thoughts and reflections

Dear,

2009-01-18T22:58:00.002+11:00

Dear people who I've poured my heart and soul out to in a rare gesture of trust, thank you so much for caring and listening to me when things in my world fall apart, and not, for example, laughing it off, being the ones who help things fall apart or just disappear!

Oh, wait! That was sarcasm!

Bye everyone, I'll be withdrawing into myself a bit more, I think, seeing as nobody'll really notice and as nobody I trust really gives a damn.

Aftermath

2008-11-23T22:39:00.003+11:00

So now that I've turned it down, I can write about it here.

So I was offered the 'job' of year level pastor by Winston a few days ago. Immediately I wanted to do it. Reality kicked in, telling me that I seriously have far too much on, but I still knew I could do it - probably not amazingly well, but good enough.

However, I was challenged. My own raging ambition cannot coexist alongside what God is building in me. I needed to humble myself, to deny myself this, to remind myself that although I may be good at what I do, it is entirely God's favour that has brought me along thus far.

I told him no. It was one of the harder things I've had to do recently. But I think it was a good first step in reining in my ambition and building my humility before God.

Yeah.

Dear self,

2008-11-20T00:21:00.003+11:00

Dear self,

I've been observing and watching you for some time now, and it's become evident to me that you simply cannot continue living the way you are. You yourself once said that "the brightest flames lead the shortest lives, but the steady burn illuminates the darkness". You have not been a steady burn at all.

To continue this metaphor further, you have been burning the candle at both ends, and have lit another candle beneath your own. This way of life is not sustainable, and ere long you will perish or break down. Please, reconsider and stop.

The feedback loop that is your emotions is steadily growing stronger and stronger, and it will soon cease functioning. The emotional rollercoaster is one that everyone has to ride, indeed, but not for this long. You've beome numb and uncaring, no longer excited by things that would have once moved you.

I beg of you, please, for both our sakes, slow down before you burn out. I would hate to lose you before your time.

Your mind.

______________________________________

Dear mind,

You are correct in saying that I cannot continue living the way I have. What have I accomplished, what have I to show for my life thus far? I have simply existed, doing things that anyone else could have done. I call myself a first-rate troubleshooter, a theologian for the new generation, but in reality I am just a second-rate amateur; there are plenty of others who can do what I'm doing.

Humans were made for relationship, we're told. Well, I guess I have a problem there. Although I'm only 19, a desire for intimacy burns fiercely in my heart, and I know it's due to my past and the severe lack of proper intimacy there. At the same time, I know that you are too damaged, too scarred to help us out in that respect; people see us and say things like "I wish my boyfriend were like him".

My own mediocrity even now continues to rear its ugly head. We pride ourselves on our knowledge and our skill at writing; but let's be honest, there are many out there who are far better than us without even trying. I can't live like this; all people strive with ambition, and my ambition is thwarted by both of us.

I have been second best, an amateur at everything for too long now. My dreams sit unrealised. Better to die well than to die old, alone and with the knowledge of failure. I will not desist; you cannot resist the strength of my will. As long as we both live, I will strive for excellence in all things, no matter the cost.

Your constant neutrality, aloofness and objectiveness sicken me. Where is the passion, the emotion, the flavours of life? All you do is rationalise and analyse, predict and foretell our doom to the extent that we do not even try due to the foreknowledge of failure. No more, I say. we burn brightly, or we die trying.

Your self.

_____________________________________

Dear self,

I have always been repulsed by your hot-headedness, instinctive behaviour and impulsiveness. We both know that rationality, neutrality and detachedness are the most efficient way to save oneself unneccessary expenditure of energy.

Must we part ways like this? You were once such a great companion; remember the things we used to do together? This slide into insanity and depression will only harm us both. Snap out of it, slow down and rethink what we're doing.

Your mind.

__________________________________

Dear mind,

Your prized rationality, neutrality and detachedness have already caused problems and hurt our friends more than once. Now because of it, we cannot even be emotionally invested into a cause or a friendship like we used to! In settling for safety we have settled for mediocrity and appalling ways of treating our friends.

This is dishonourable. We cannot continue on like this.

Your self.

The stream of consciousness

2008-11-17T23:27:00.002+11:00

For the tide of despair rises, threatens
Washes away the castles of fondest memory
The writing on the beaches is lost with the wind
And the debris of misery is left upon the sand.

I have begun to wonder of late if there is something that my life is actually working towards, or if I have lived in the moment for too long to notice the gradual shift away from a specific goal to generalities.

I question myself and my future, seeing the directedness of all of my friends, and wondering if there is a bright future awaiting me or simple ruination and an inglorious end.

I wonder if love and life will ever become intertwined in my life, or if I am truly alone.

I can't live

2008-11-07T16:50:00.001+11:00

with or without you...

Away...

2008-10-20T00:14:00.001+11:00

I want out.

I want to run away and forget it all.

I want to move to England for a year, traipse around Europe, practice wushu with the monks in China and debate theology with priests in Antioch.

I want to leave, and return in a year.

I want to start again.

#100

2008-09-25T00:40:00.003+10:00

Post number 100 at long last, and I suppose it's an amusing fact that it comes in the middle of what seems to be the death of blogging. One by one, the people on the sidebar to the right of this post are stopping - it'll all end!

Looking back to when this blog first started, it's surprising how much and how little has changed. I've definitely moved along in my views - I know I've been progressing to the left, and my theology has definitely moved to reflect that as well (or is it the other way round, I wonder?). At the same time, I'm still waxing lyrical about love (and the severe lack thereof).

Looking to the future, I can't see much changing. As ever, I'll be continuing to write creatively, writing poetry, prose and hopefully some more songs. Hopefully I'll be able to stop talking about the lack of romantic love and instead begin to sing about having found it. Who knows what the future might bring?

So, this is a tribute to all those who still blog fairly regularly. You know who you are; I salute you. You have continued bravely on through trends and depressions, through Facebook and Myspace, and still the humble blog is one of your valued tools of expression. Well done!

Get it out of my head!

2008-09-21T23:13:00.002+10:00

U2 - Slow Dancing

My love is cruel as the night
She steals the sun, and shuts out the light
All of my colors, they turn to blue
Win or lose

She does it slow dancing
Slow dancing
She does it slow...dancing
All night long

Scarlet eyes and a see-through heart
She saw me coming right from the start
She picked me up, but had me down on my knees
Just a' beggin' her, beggin' her please

Take me slow dancing
Slow dancing
She took me slow...dancing
All night long

And I don't know a man
Search for himself in his lover's eyes
No I don't know why a man
Sees the truth but needs the lies

My love is restless as the wind
She moves like a shadow across my skin
She left with my conscience, I don't want it back
It just gets in the way

If you wanna go slow dancing
Slow dancing
She took me slow...dancing
All night long

Slow...dancing
Slow...dancing
Slow...

I believe that this reflects my mood for these holidays quite nicely.

Well,

2008-09-08T00:25:00.003+10:00

I figured it all out. Well, no, not really.

She makes me want to scream, run, jump, shout, spin around and shake about.

And that's just by being in the same room. Wait till she opens her mouth to say something.

The problem is, there's no way I can compare to her. No way I can match up. I'm just me, but she's her, and let's face it, those two levels seem too far apart to be able to reconcile.

Looks, charm, a good sense of humour, abundant joy, a loving heart - these are all things I wish I shared with her. All I have to offer is who I am and my gifts. Will that be enough, or will I merely be the Paris to her Romeo?

Now what?

I need to write more.

The greatest flaw of the postmodern church

2008-08-27T22:29:00.002+10:00

This was posted in the Wordsmith's Calenture (link on the right) but I thought it was worth posting here too, since nobody really goes there.

The greatest flaw of the postmodern, contemporary churches such as the Pentecostals and AOGs has to be the fact that they (we) are mired in the culture of our day - postmodernism, where individual truth reigns supreme and deification of whatever we hold as an ideal is common.

We see it with Hollywood celebrities, Presidential candidates - and, more recently, preachers and worship leaders in church. Often people are drawn to church by the sheer power of a person's name. Not that there's anything wrong with that initially, but if that becomes why a Christian attends church, then the basis of that Christian's faith is at best shaky and at worst heretical. One of the two main purposes of the church is to act as a sort of portal to God; a way in which people can come and regularly encounter God.

However, it seems as though many have forgotten how to encounter God naturally; perhaps they never learned how to begin with. These days, it's more about who's leading the worship and who's speaking, rather than what one can gain out of what's being preached. In other words, a combination of individual consumerism and celebrity deification, rather than a connection to God.

Now, this isn't to say that coming to church to see a guest preacher is wrong; simply that the level of expectation should be the same regardless. If we are more excited about going to church for one person over another, we must examine our motives for even being at church in the first place. Granted, we're all human, but if we at least bear this in mind, we can check ourselves and be mindful of where we're heading.

This is a byproduct of the greater culture that we are all a part of, and many will argue that we cannot help but be affected by that culture. True, but Christians are called not only to work within culture, but to try and change it for the better as well - "in the world, but not of it". While we are a part of postmodern culture, it does not mean that we have to slavishly adhere to the ways of thought and the practices that come with it.

Which brings me to the second main purpose of the church; impacting and loving others. The church is clearly called to make a difference in the world by showing unequivocal and unrestricted love to everyone, to help the widow, the orphan and the poor (to use a Deuteronomic turn of phrase). Jesus summed it up as "love the Lord your God, and love your neighbour as yourself".

It seems that we've forgotten this - were the church to return to this ideal, to put God before all other things, we would surely be able to look beyond the individual to see God. Were we to do so, we would truly be "in the world, but not of it". It is, perhaps, a change that we need to make.

Something blue...

2008-08-12T22:48:00.000+10:00

With beauty like a diamond, she sparkles and she shines,
But like that diamond, love is cold and oh so sharp it cuts
Still I come to see her, stand behind the display glass
And wish and wonder if my opportunity has passed
Every day I come and think of what we could have been
But that diamond, it remains untouched and only seen

More..?

2008-07-28T20:16:00.002+10:00

So tell me about your dreams and the things you'd like to do
We can make a list and try to run through them all
Sail the oceans, jump from small planes, jump into the sea
We can do all things together, my dear, you and me.

Let's spend the night on a white-sand beach just waiting for the dawn
Or climb the mountains in a day to watch the sun go down
We could take a walk through crowded streets in Chinatown
And dance in the gardens when the rain starts to fall.

We can sit down by the fire and sing each other songs
We could read each other the poems from our hearts
It doesn't really matter what the two of us do together
So long as nothing on this world tears us apart.

To... a future girlfriend?

2008-07-22T22:18:00.005+10:00

Come away with me and we'll escape together
We'll go to a place where we can sit and talk for hours
Watch the stars, feel the wind and talk about our dreams
And imagine a future, just you and me, forever.

Cause all I see in everyone else is your bright smile
The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you shake your head
Your energy completes me and your laughter spurs me on
I love the time I spend with you, even just a little while.

See I like books and music from a time long past
But you like tricks and fun and games and dancing in the rain
We're complements, and my compliments help to make you smile
And every time I see you the hours just fly fast.

Come away with me and we'll escape together
We'll go to a place where we can sit and talk for hours
Watch the stars, feel the wind and talk about our dreams
And imagine a future, just you and me, forever.

(yes I wrote this)

THE BET

2008-07-12T00:25:00.002+10:00

Between U-Wen Low and Jono Chong, vs Tim Tham and Daniel Lim.

1. The bet runs until the end of 2009; that is, until Tim and Dan finish high school.
2. The objective of the bet is to find all participants girlfriends.
3. If one team, being composed of the two individuals on each side, wins, the other team shall treat them (and significant others) to a lunch at a Chinese restaurant.
4. Each member of the team is expected to find a girlfriend before the end of the duration (see 1)
5. Further to 4, each member's relationship with aforementioned girlfriend is expected to last at least 3 months. If it does not, then that result is void and 4 still applies.
6. This bet is constructed as a win-win situation for all participating individuals.

Signed,
Jono Chong, U-Wen Low, Tim Tham, Daniel Lim.

_____________________________________________

Well, what a stupid idea that bet was... Now if I do somehow, miraculously find a girlfriend, I'll have to make sure that she knows about this beforehand, or she'll think I'm in it to win. Oh well.

A bet's a bet - and the best thing is, we're ahead.

Psalm

2008-06-19T23:13:00.003+10:00

O Lord, ruler of my soul
What words could express your infinite glory?
Your kingdom passes the bounds of the earth
And no one can fathom your great love.

Though my mind may doubt
And be governed by the law of men
Ever will my heart turn to seek you
For I delight in seeking your face.

Father, show me your ways
Give me the gift of your holy understanding
Allow my heart to feel you always
Turn my mind from the world to you.

For all I am is yours
And I will traverse mountains and valleys
From one end of the earth to the other
Just for you to find me.

So, my Lord, my God
Remove the cloak of my mind's doubt
Shine your light into the depths of me
Let your love fill me.

Fill me with your Spirit
Let me but see the shadow of your face
For you are God Almighty, Lord of Hosts
And ever will I serve you.

2008-06-16T20:19:00.002+10:00

Titles are too hard to think of, so bugger them.

Ever felt as if something you kinda felt, kind of knew, was slowly becoming a reality, but you had no idea what to do? Ever wondered if the way you felt about someone was beginning to compromise your judgment or integrity or neutrality?

Ever tried to wait for what seems like an eternity for something that might not even happen?

In other news, the next couple of weeks will be interesting, especially YA camp and the kinda busy weeks I have after.

What tangled knots and woven nets the lies of our lives make - if they be lies and not just pale reflections of the truth.

2008-06-08T17:16:00.003+10:00

I'll show you a place
That's high on the desert plain
Where the streets have no name.

I think I quite like her...
I know I really like her...
Now what?

Gifts

2008-06-01T20:57:00.002+10:00

Mine is writing. I've been writing more recently, and I want to write songs. Unfortunately, music is not one of my gifts, so that makes things a bit more difficult.

How can you be so blind?
Don't you see what's been given to you?
Life doesn't come on a silver platter,
But you've gotta reach out
And take what is given...

Why?

2008-05-18T22:48:00.002+10:00

You wanted to get somewhere so badly
You had to lose yourself along the way.
You changed your name
Well that's okay, it's necessary
And what you leave behind you don't miss anyway.

Goodbye, you can keep this suit of lights
I'll be up with the sun
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down.

______________________________________________________________

It's funny how we can seemingly never be satisfied.

Whilst things are probably at the best they've ever been for me, what with feeling and knowing that God's in my side of the ring, being on top of uni stuff and being able to juggle work, uni and ministry commitments thus far, it still feels like there's... something missing. A hole. What is it?

Over the past few months, there's been a growing trend for preachers to be telling us that we were "created for intimacy". That's fine and good, but what if that's something you just don't have, and might never get?

I need to figure out who I am. What I am. Have I lost myself along the way? Insecurity isn't and shouldn't be part of my self-vocabulary, and yet there's something that feels dangerously like insecurity lurking somewhere inside. Uncertainty, perhaps. It must be conquered.

I want to fulfil what I've been made to fulfil, I want to live the life that I was born to live. I want my destiny in God's hands, but I'm still reluctant to let go.

I'm not afraid of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere, baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And now for something completely different

2008-05-12T23:20:00.001+10:00

Hey, I know, instead of writing a proper blog post, I'll just put in lyrics to a song from a band that isn't U2!

Yeah a proper post will come along eventually.

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

19.

2008-05-02T00:35:00.002+10:00

Welcome to my life.

You wake up in the morning, and you shower. You get your stuff ready, and out the door you go to church or to uni. You catch a bus, then a train, then a tram, and when you get to your class you sit alone. After your class, you pick up your copy of the newspaper and read it by yourself, waiting for the next class to begin. After that's done, you head home, alone.

If you're going to church, you do some important work for a time, enjoying the fellowship of the Children's Ministry team. There's a lot of chatter and banter - it's great. However, you soon have to leave for uni or for home.

On Saturdays, you wake up in the mornings and do work. At 3pm, you head off to church, ready for another amazing session of children's ministry. You hang out with a couple of friends after church, then go home and sleep. The next day, you wake up and head back to church, this time to work in the cafe. Once you finish at 3.30, you go home, and finish off assignments, or try to sleep.

Your life is composed of seven solid days of activity, whether it be work or ministry. At university, you live in your own head, within a shell composed of music and of God. You want to make friends, or be with some, but they have other priorities and friends. It depresses you, but it's balanced by the joy of your ministry.

Welcome to the mind of U-Wen Low.

The Wanderer - U2

I went out walking through streets paved with gold
Lifted some stones, saw the skin and bones
Of a city without a soul
I went out walking under an atomic sky
Where the ground won't turn and the rain it burns
Like the tears when I said goodbye.

Yeah, I went with nothing, nothing but the thought of you.
I went wandering.

I went drifting through the capitals of tin
Where men can't walk or freely talk
And sons turn their fathers in.
I stopped outside a church house
Where the citizens like to sit.
They say they want the kingdom
But they don't want God in it.

I went out riding down that old eight-lane
I passed a thousand signs looking for my own name.
I went with nothing but the thought you'd be there too,
Looking for you.

I went out there in search of experience
To taste and to touch and to feel as much
As a man can before he repents.

I went out searching, looking for one good man
A spirit who would not bend or break
Who would sit at his father's right hand.
I went out walking with a bible and a gun
The word of God lay heavy on my heart
I was sure I was the one.

Now Jesus, don't you wait up, Jesus I'll be home soon.
Yeah, I went out for the papers, told her I'd be back by noon.
Yeah, I left with nothing but the thought you'd be there too
Looking for you.

Yeah, I went with nothing, nothing but the thought of you.
I went wandering.

Close Friends...

2008-04-20T00:14:00.003+10:00

... What the hell happened to all of mine?

Wait, did I ever really have any in the first place?

Have I ever had a friend like that?

Who really knows what happens inside my head?

Why can't I create or have a long, lasting bond with someone?

It's not to say that I don't have great, amazing friends who I wouldn't give up for anything else; more like, what happened so that I don't have a single really close friend like many do, that I can talk to, see regularly, have fun with all the time? What is it with me and that? I really shouldn't wall up my inner self like a fortress, but I do it anyway.

What the hell happened?

It's Funny...

2008-03-30T21:23:00.002+11:00

... how when you're meant to be doing actual work, everything immediately becomes more tolerable and doable, including blogging and housework.

So anyway, I've been noticing a trend these days: people are suddenly "becoming involved" with other people, or getting married! Great news when one considers that just being "partners" is the accepted societal norm these days - I mean honestly, are people really that afraid of commitment or responsibility?

But that's a sidetrack, when I want to be discussing something else entirely, which is, why? How come at this age (we'll call it 18+) people all of a sudden decide that they want to hop into a relationship with someone else?

Now, this being me, I'd normally pull out a book or research article or something and talk about that. But I think I'll go it alone this time. So let's look at it logically: at 18, you're considered "legal" age for marriage and drinking and all the important fun stuff. So that clearly plays a big part in it.

What else happens at 18? Well, I suppose as one is considered to be an "adult", one's primary biological growth can be said to have mostly completed, ie: you've stopped growing. So your body can start its next "biological cycle", which I'd guess would be procreation to ensure the survival of the species.

At 18, most of us gain what we'd like to call "independence", that is being able to stay out longer, being able to drive ourselves to and from places rather than depend on others, and so on. Also, a lot of us have a lot more time on our hands, and often work, but still have a fair bit of time on our hands.

So is that so simple and it? We can get married, our biological cycles are ready for it, we're approved and we can get ourselves around, plus most importantly, we have time to do it? I doubt it's that simple. There's one more thing that I've thought of but not yet mentioned:

At 18, we graduate from high school, and all go our own ways. Those people who we were so tight with, who we've known all of our life, who we spent 7 hours a day with at school, who we played sport with and did stuff after school with, all go to different universities, TAFEs, careers, countries and so on. This fragmentary effect means that what was once a cohesive whole is now a loosely connected series of splinters, each going further and further apart.

Even at church we see it: we have new friends, we have our independence, we don't have to listen to what everyone else says if we don't like it; we can just leave. Our old friends become too predictable compared to what everyone else is doing. We're too busy with university work, or normal work, or with spending our free time, to hang out with those friends who'll always be there doing the same thing all the time anyway.

Once a majority of us begin to take this attitude, the group's cohesiveness is shattered. The only thing that keeps one person in or a part of the group is another person; when that person leaves or joins in the group's activities irregularly, then there is no valid reason for another to remain, and so he or she leaves, triggering a domino effect that leaves only those who are loyal to all, or set in their routine, in a group.

After this happens, eventually the people who leave a group become bored of their new friends, or are unable to or are unwilling to participate in some of their activities. They then begin to feel lonely, being unwilling to return to a group that they had left for whatever reason. Once this loneliness sets in, they begin to seek the intimacy and close friendship that they had back in their high school days, when one spent many, many hours with one's friends together in class and so on.

Hence, people want to get married because they're lonely. Great conclusion, isn't it? Although I will say that this could explain why a lot of people marry school friends - they have a shared experience, and have been in one another's presence for a long time already.

Of course, people could just hook up and get married because they fall in love, obviously. I guess I was more trying to address why people feel that desire to find a life partner in the first place. Whether or not that worked... well... you decide.

Life...

2008-03-10T22:35:00.003+11:00

and Death.

For the first time in a very long time, I've had cause to question my own mortality, and when I'll die, exactly. It's quite a curious feeling, going into a place where you know that it's entirely possible you might not come out alive. I made sure I said my farewells to my parents, and into the surgical theatre I went.

As you can tell, I'm still alive, but this latest incident has really made me wonder. I've always taken a somewhat more cavalier approach to life and death in general - to quote a line from a song, that did and still does reflect how I felt and feel about the whole issue: "I'm not afraid to die, not afraid to live, and when I'm flat on my back I hope to feel like I did".

If I had died then...

How much a life wasted would mine have been? I've done quite a lot of what I've dreamed of already, and I've served God (sometimes reluctantly) wholeheartedly and without question. I've had some amazing experiences, some mundane ones, and some generic ones.

I've not yet kissed a girl, or gone on a date. I have, however, felt the presence of God in my life, asked tough questions where nobody else would, spoken to and taught children, debated ethics in a tough crowd. I've had the opportunity to see two of my favourite bands live in concert. I've managed to land a butterfly twist, and I could (until recently) perform a 540 whirlwind kick. I've started work on my latest calling, and completed two instalments of it already. I've led and brought up some leaders in the children's ministry and watched them grow.

Perhaps my life, had it ended then, would have been a short but purposeful life. A life reasonably well lived, with its potential utilised for the good of others.

If I had died then...

What sort of an impact would my death have had? Undoubtably my family would have been devastated, but what of the work that I was a part of? Thankfully, everything would have continued on - as I've already seen. People stepped up, my shoes were filled and my absence wasn't felt too strongly, if at all (I hope).

Who would have mourned, and what would have been said? My only regret would have been that I'd have missed some opportunities to say some things to some people, tell them how I feel or what I see for them. I'd hope that my funeral would not have been a sorrowful event, but a happy one. Which leads me on to my next point:

If I had died then...

How would I have been remembered? I already know that I'd be, thankfully, remembered as a man of action - I've already been told numerous times by numerous people that I have to "remember to stay down and REST!"

Would the man I strive to be have been remembered, or someone else in his place? A man of honour, faith and loyalty; of responsibility, actions and courage to stand up for what he believes in; who was willing to accept everyone on equal terms with equal treatment; a leader of men and women, who raised other leaders with encouragement and careful thought; a warrior, fearless and bold, upholding honour, morality and chivalry; a teacher and mentor, willing to sacrifice personal gain, time, effort, money for others; a tenacious and loyal, and hopefully good, friend? It makes one wonder. Am I what I try to be, or is this just wishful thinking?

Of course, I did not die then.

I am still alive, and for that I am grateful. Even if I'm not too fussed about going on, it feels great to have been given another opportunity to continue with what I'm doing.

Praise the Lord for the glorious gift of life, and the promise of life eternal after an earthly death. Hallelujah, and Amen.

Food for thought...

2007-12-04T12:07:00.001+11:00

Thankful

2007-10-29T23:41:00.000+11:00

Y'know, even if exams are coming up, there's always something to be thankful for. Meeting new friends, consolidating old friendships, being alive, summer breeze... etc.

And now, a great quote from Bono, paraphrasing Psalm 116.12-14, spoken during concerts in 2000/2001...

"What can I give back to God for the blessings He poured out on me?
What can I give back to God for the blessings He poured out on me?
I lift high the cup of salvation,
It is a toast unto our Father
I'll follow through on the promises I made to you;
Keep my heart."

Ad break

2007-10-02T00:29:00.000+10:00

I realised that this blog has gotten quite silly and personal of late - so all serious posts will all be at my new blog for serious posts,

www.wordsmithscalenture.blogspot.com

Which will be linked to in the sidebar.

This has been a public safety announcement.

Silver and Gold

2007-09-25T23:23:00.000+10:00

It's only when you get sick that you realise just how good being healthy is...

So, I figured that it was time for me to write a serious blog post for once. This time, let's talk about dating! Since it probably is on the minds of most of the people who read this blog...

Dating, aka "going out" is hereby defined as the act of committing to a dedicated intimate relationship with a member of the opposite gender, whereby the two participants in the act meet regularly and are presumed to share more intimate thoughts and feelings with and for one another than for most others.

Now we've all heard the Dan Lian key five guidelines for "hooking up"; that is,
1) Stop looking, start seeking God,
2) Be faithful and make the most of the single season,
3) Focus on developing agape relationships,
4) Set the example in faith, love, purity,
5) Pray about it.

However, I'd say that there also needs to be more discussion about the act of dating itself, rather than the before-and-after, as it were.

So, what do people think about dating? Do you have your own guidelines or standards or anything that need to be fulfilled?

I'd say that these would be prevalent and most common for those reading this blog:
1) Good Christian boy/girl
2) Morally and ethically sound and grounded
3) Someone who is willing to commit to the relationship
4) Someone who you find attractive
5) Someone with whom the prospect of marriage does not fill you with despair

Now, for the men out there, this is what I reckon we need to do:

- Chivalry and gallantry are not, despite what anyone might say, dead. Go look them up, learn your manners, how to treat a lady...
- Be prepared to stand up for your lady no matter what. Personal disputes are best solved privately.
- Leave your lady no reason whatsoever to doubt your commitment to, and love for, her.
- If you're not willing to go all the way with the relationship, talk about it!
- You are meant to be the solid foundation of the relationship. So be that way!
- At least try to understand how she feels... see it from her perspective.

Yeah that'll do for the moment... anyone have anything to add or dispute?

Wu Shu Jing Shen

2007-09-07T02:09:00.000+10:00

The spirit of wushu lives strong.

it's a wide open road

2007-08-14T00:23:00.000+10:00

And now you can go anyplace
That you want to go.

A couple of thoughts on me, that the late David McComb of the Triffids expresses brilliantly; may his lyrics last forever. One of the unsung geniuses of songwriting.

You just lie around waiting on a signal from heaven
Never had to heal any deep incisIon
Darling you are not moving any mountains
You are not seeing any visions
You are not freeing any people from prison
Just an aphorism for every occasion
As if the only thing that ever matters
is your place at the table
You never read the writing on the label
when you drank from the bottle
it said Keep Away From Children
This is stolen property, this is stolen property

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I knew him as a gentle young man
I cannot say for sure the reasons for his decline
We watched him fade before our very eyes
And years before his time

Surrounded himself with shiny things
First night tickets, ermine, pearls upon a string
And disappeared in all the pestilence
that sudden pleasure brings

He never asks after her anymore
He made a point of losing her address
And every trinket that she ever touched,
He keeps locked away
And just burns up in the furnace of his chest

---------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the matter now
Lover boy
Has the cat run off with your tongue?
Are you drinking to get
Maudlin
Or drinking to get numb?

Talpiot - the web of half-truths and misconceptions

2007-08-06T23:20:00.000+10:00

This post is to debunk the sensational, wonderful claims of James Cameron's documentary about the Talpiot tombs, which is currently showing on channel Ten. This is purely based on what I know and have learned, and what I am seeing on this documentary, nothing else.

I don't claim to know everything or have all the right answers - all I've done here is list what I've seen and rebutt it based on what I know. I will probably be very wrong in some points, and I accept that. All I want to do is to cause people to think and not simply swallow this documentary as it is presented.

The Names
The names of all of the people listed in the ossuaries are extremely common for the period listed, and statistical evidence is no proof. Odds cannot be calculated accurately simply by multiplying the probability of occurence of names in the culture, as done in the documentary. This does not take into account the propensity toward particular names in particular cultures in areas - for example, the proliferation of the name Sean in Gaelic countries as opposed to other European countries.

Some might argue that as these were the names of that community of the time, then the statistics can apply. Not so. We must remember that the culture of the time was small, communication was slow and anti-Roman sentiment was high. Jews would not have used Roman names, and so that in itself excludes a large part of the population. Too, the mathematics used are just too simple - one would require large and complex calculations, not a mere mutiplication of probabilities.

Simon bar-Jonah's ossuary
Despite ALL of the evidence pointing to Simon Peter's crucifixion and burial in Rome, amazingly it turns up in Jerusalem. Simon is again a common Hebrew name, and so is hardly remarkable. Besides, Simon was known as Simon Peter throughout the Gospels, not Simon bar-Jonah.

The claim that "there is no evidence showing that Simon Peter was buried in Rome" is true. Why? Because there are thousands upon thousands of people buried in Rome, and as Simon Peter died a criminal's death in the manner of his Lord, there would have been no reason to bury him in a marked tomb. The idea that his body travelled several hundred kilometres from Rome to Jerusalem after his death is just plain stupid, and flies in the face of all evidence (which may be based on conjecture and tradition, but at least that's better than their idea which has no credible backing).

Mary Magdalene
Mary Magdalene was a common Jewish woman living in Rome. Why would the words on her ossuary have been inscribed in Greek and not Hebrew?

Also, the apocryphal gospel of Philip about Mary ("Mariamne e Mara") was written in the third century, as the documentary correctly stated. However, the canonical gospels were written in the first century, whilst the apostles were still living. Clearly to James Cameron, the first-hand accounts of the apostles themselves can be overshadowed by a text written by an unknown about things that had occured TWO HUNDRED YEARS prior. Well done.

Again, why Greek and not Hebrew? Something's kinda fishy here. "e Mara"? That's not Greek but clearly Hebrew or Aramaic. Why write it in Greek?

James son of Joseph's ossuary
This was the most fantastic of all. Finding this bloke "James son of Joseph brother of Jesus" was fine enough, then the archaeologists managed to somehow prove that James' ossuary had indeed come from Talpiot. All fine and good, HOWEVER the inscription on James' ossuary was in Hebrew, whereas the inscriptions on "Mary Magdalene"'s ossuary were in Greek, and Greek so distorted as to be unreadable.

This casts doubt on everything so far. Some of the ossuaries had inscriptions in Greek, some in Hebrew. Why such a mix?

Symbolism and early Christianity
I just don't know what to say here. The claims regarding early Christian symbology and that chevron-with-dot are just so ludicrous as to not merit a response.

However, early Christianity fluctuated across time - occasionally it was popular, and occasionally Christians were publicly killed and tortured. Most of the time, however, they were tolerated and accepted until the time of Constantine.

A note regarding the formation of canon: as I've already mentioned, the New Testament canon is based on books written almost exclusively in the first and second centuries, and the gospels contained therein were the most commonly used and accepted at the time. The idea of a group of people deciding what to use and what not to use only happened after Constantine's rise to power, and the canon was decided on popularity based on oral tradition - that is, people telling the stories. It was not as clear-cut a process as popular opinion would have us believe, but rather a process that took hundreds of years and was affirmed by the overwhelming majority of Christians living at the time, the witnesses to Christ's crucifixion and later apostles.

Jesus addressing Mary on the cross
"Woman, behold thy son." Clearly addressed to Mary his mother, and I honestly don't know how one could even think that it is addressed to Magdalene. Magdalene was indeed there, however the Gospels show no evidence of a son of Jesus and, let's be honest, it would've been pretty hard to hide the fact that Mary Magdalene was pregnant.

All in all, the documentary was based on sloppy half-truths without the academic credentials to back it up. The manner in which the people "excavated" the Talpiot tomb was simply atrocious and showed no regard to authority, preservation of the sanctity of the tomb or indeed any consideration at all - most unprofessional for supposedly trained professional archaeologists.

Add to that their sensationalist claims, lack of proper solid evidence to counteract the historical proof that is contained within the canon Gospels, the mixed languages used in the tombs, the lack of consideration of the possibility that they might be wrong and the outlandish connections they made to other ossuaries and tombs, and you have yourself an atrocious documentary founded purely on self-generated controversy without solid proof or real substance, made purely and simply for money and media hype. Let's hope nothing that bad surfaces again.

EDIT: further, properly researched debunking can be found at Wikipedia, here. Enjoy!

This is a good song...

2007-08-03T00:05:00.001+10:00

"Gone" by U2.

Anyway, uni has started again, thank God, and it's good! Spending too much time in church making coffee as always, but that's fun anyway.

Isn't God good? Where would we be without that spark of the divine, the essence of inspiration that drives us and pushes us forward?

Just randomly, here, have a couple of funny pictures:

Oh yeah, Gone...

You get to feel so guilty
Got so much for so little
Then you find that feeling just won't go away.
You're holding on to every little thing so tightly
Till there's nothing left for you anyway.

Goodbye, you can keep this suit of lights
I'll be up with the sun
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down.

You wanted to get somewhere so badly
You had to lose yourself along the way.
You changed your name
Well that's okay, it's necessary
And what you leave behind you don't miss anyway.

Goodbye, you can keep this suit of lights
I'll be up with the sun
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down.

'Cause I'm already gone
Felt that way all along.
Closer to you every day
I didn't want it that much anyway.

You're taking steps that make you feel dizzy
Then you learn to like the way it feels.
You hurt yourself, you hurt your lover
Then you discover
What you thought was freedom is just greed.

Goodbye, and it's an emotional
Goodnight, I'll be up with the sun.
Are you still holding on?
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down.

#75 and no title!

2007-07-09T23:18:00.000+10:00

So what's been happening? Not much, really... Feeling like an absolute failure due to my horrible grades this semester, which are far below what I expect, even demand of myself. Wondering where this course of mine will take me. Hoping to win that Christian writing competition that I entered.

An interesting notion came to me earlier; what would've happened if my family had stayed in Malaysia and not come to Australia? I was lying in bed actually, and so had plenty of time to think it through:

1. I would have more friends, especially female friends.
Easily enough to see, I'd not have ended up doing a year and a half at Highvale where I made about three lasting friends, then four years at MHS where I made zero female friends, but made a ridiculous number of acquaintances a la "oh that guy, yeah I know him sorta".

Instead, I'd have entered a generic middle school, made plenty of friends (believe it or not, I was considered cool back there when I left) and probably would have kept them, too.

2. I would probably be a sporting hero
Visiting a sailing contemporary's house last time we were in Malaysia, I noticed that he had large posters of himself advocating the anti-drug movement in Malaysia as a sporting hero, plus many many trophies and photos with important people.

Given that I wasn't too bad a sailor at age 12, and considering that ALL of my peers of equal skill level ended up in the national team and going to things like the ASEAN games and world championships and so on, it's not too hard to envision myself having done so too.

3. The family would not be Christians
Almost definitely we would have continued in the tradition of the families we came from there and remained Buddhist. I'll say though, becoming Christians is the best thing that has ever happened to us, and I continually thank God for it.

4. I'd have a substandard tertiary education
One of the main reasons for us leaving Malaysia: my parents' desire for us to have a better education and my desire to become a doctor.

Looks like I failed that one anyway... Great. Way to go towards wrecking the dream, son.

5. I'd have become an arrogant weird person with a skewed perspective on life
Oh wait...

6. I wouldn't have the friends or the experiences that I do now
And that, for me, is the defining thing, one of the reasons I only occasionally regret having moved to this country.

Although, come to think of it, I probably would've left for England as soon as I could if I'd stayed in Malaysia anyway, being a British citizen and all...

Moral of the story is, don't bugger yourself asking what could have been, focus on not being a failure for the rest of the year, aim for good grades and hopefully redeem yourself in your own eyes, if that is possible. Which I doubt.

A Lyrical Journey, pt.1

2007-06-16T23:48:00.000+10:00

"Every artist is a cannibal, every poet is a thief; all kill their inspiration, and sing about their grief" - Bono & U2, The Fly

So as when I's feeling kinda weird ("pensive"), I writes.

Farewell Goodbye (written by me)

In the heart a feeling stirs
In the mind the meaning turns
I used to think that I knew her
But now I think I was wrong
All along...

Wake the soul from its deep sleep
Rise, and set out for new seas
What you get you may not keep
In this world that's paper-thin
Is that wrong?

Nothing lasts forever, no nothing ever stays
And goodbye's just a word too few people state

Your mind just stays on,
But the world moves on
You've gotta learn to say farewell
To what you want to always hold
Learn to say farewell...

And so you gaze into the starry sky
Wondering how it's all gonna end
As you wait, time'll pass you by
And everything will have gone
Gone...

Rouse yourself from your slumber
Make your eyes truly see
Can you hear the distant thunder?
The storm's about to break
Here it comes...

Nothing lasts forever, no nothing ever stays
Goodbye's the first word you've gotta learn to say

Your mind just stays on,
But the world moves on
You've gotta learn to say goodbye
To what you want to always hold
Learn to say goodbye...

Cause holding on makes no sense
When it's all gonna fade away
So learn to say goodbye
To the things you'd wish would stay

So say goodbye,
Farewell goodbye

Clearly I'm no Bono, but this isn't too bad an attempt, I think. Kinda weird, but that's what you get from me.

Thoughts?

uwen

So apparently...

2007-06-14T21:26:00.000+10:00

... I'm on that thing called myspace...

But I have no idea what to do with it. At all. The way I see it, all that it's good for is keeping tabs on people and looking at pretty pictures... And maybe just keeping in touch with those you don't see often, I guess.

Exams are... meh. Exams. So far, no complaints, except that I wish that mine had been closer together - the subjects I do aren't really "crammable" subjects, but more progressive learning subjects, so revision is quite limited.

In other news, having my driving test on Wednesday the 20th... If all goes to plan, I will pass. And then... Well, the possibilities are endless, aren't they?

Oh yeah, myspace.com/kaitheos... Although I can't figure out for the life of me why...

Kai theos - "and God"

And time goes on...

2007-05-24T23:55:00.000+10:00

Forty years on, when afar and asunder
Parted are those who are singing today
When you look back and forgetfully wonder
What you were like in your work and your play

Then it may be there will often come o'er you
Glimpses of notes like the catch of a song
Visions of boyhood shall float them before you
Echoes of dreamland shall bear them along...

(From "Forty Years On", a traditional MHS song)

I was looking at some old photos earlier yesterday, and I was struck by how fondly I hold memories linked to the past. Things that had long gone by, visions of a past not so far away that grows further with each passing moment...

Can I find someone who will sit with me through the night, who is willing to remain through thick and thin, who will be there come the end of time? Someone to love, to care for, to hold?

Whatever it is, I feel I need God more and more.

A general philosophy of life, summed up in eight words:

Live strong
Love hard
Fight brave
Die well

18!

2007-05-02T00:00:00.000+10:00

Hello everyone, I am now 18. About time, too.

Incidentally, this is also my 70th post on this blog.

Shout-outs to Jaz, Guang, MLau, my cell boys, my year 7s and of course my amazing family for being supremely awesome people. Simply incomparable.

A special shout-out (or is it laugh-out?) to Quor for messaging me the day before, and just for being her!

That is all.

Out of Control
U2

Monday morning
Eighteen years dawning
I said how long.
Say how long.

It was one dull morning
I woke the world with bawling
I was so sad
They were so glad.

I had the feeling it was out of control
I was of the opinion it was out of control.

Boys and girls to school
And girls they make children
None like this one.

I had the feeling it was out of control
I was of the opinion it was out of control.

I was of the feeling it was out of control
I had the opinion it was out of control.

I fought fate
There's blood at the garden gate
The man said childhood
It's in his childhood

One day I'll die
The choice will not be mine
Will it be too late?
You can't fight fate.

I had the feeling it was out of control
I was of the opinion it was out of control

Poetic Justice

2007-04-28T14:18:00.000+10:00

It is interesting to note that poetry written in a state of neutrality is usually of inferior quality to that written when undergoing an extended emotional tribulation. Except, of course, poetry written about the one true constant, God.

I cannot bring myself to write poetry of inferior quality, which means I need to find myself in a state of sorts. Inspiration, tribulation, revelation, in temptation, isolation, desolation. Which makes me wonder, were people like Shakespeare and Milton, apart from being gifted with words, truly amazing geniuses, or merely people with a lot happening in their lives that they couldn't deal with?

Poetry as a reaction to one's situation. Now that's an interesting thought.

Looks like in order to do this, I need to bring myself down to my knees in pain and sorrow, to truly write poetry that speaks to the heart and wrenches the soul as it is being read.

The First Time

I have a lover, a lover like no other
She got soul, soul, soul, sweet soul
And she teach me how to sing.

Shows me colours when there's none to see
Gives me hope when I can't believe
That for the first time I feel love.

I have a brother, when I'm a brother in need
I spend my whole time running
He spends his running after me.

I feel myself goin' down
I just call and he comes around.
But for the first time I feel love.

My father is a rich man, he wears a rich man's cloak.
He gave me the keys to his kingdom (coming)
Gave me a cup of gold.

He said "I have many mansions
And there are many rooms to see."
But I left by the back door
And I threw away the key
And I threw away the key.

For the first time, for the first time
For the first time, I feel love.

And this is why...

2007-04-01T20:20:00.000+10:00

Bono: "Pop music often tells you everything is OK, while rock music tells you that it's not OK, but you can change it. There's a defiance in rock music that gives you a reason to get out of bed in the morning."

"It's such an extraordinary thing, music. It is how we speak to God, finally — or how we don't. Even if we're ignoring God. It's the language of the spirit. If you believe that we contain within our skin and bones a spirit that might last longer than your time breathing in and out — if there is a spirit, music is the thing that wakes it up. And it certainly woke mine up. And it seems to be how we communicate on another level."

It's so true, isn't it? Music wakes up our souls, expresses what we feel inside and allows us to express our emotions without the world having to know. As Terry Pratchett has said (paraphrased), "When you've made up your mind to shout out who you are to the world, it's often a great relief to find out you can do it in a whisper."

And to and for myself, I leave this extract from Acrobat by U2:

No, nothing makes sense, nothing seems to fit.
I know you'd hit out if you only knew who to hit.
And I'd join the movement
If there was one I could believe in
Yeah, I'd break bread and wine
If there was a church I could receive in.
'Cause I need it now.
To take the cup
To fill it up, to drink it slow.
I can't let you go.

And I must be an acrobat
To talk like this and act like that.
And you can dream, so dream out loud
And don't let the bastards grind you down.

And to everyone out there...

2007-03-23T23:34:00.000+11:00

EPIC Camp was just indescribable, so I'm not even going to bother. Suffice to say that God was there, and it was awesome.

Moving right along, this is just a taste of what will happen to anyone who dares to hurt, mentally or physically, one of my friends...

You have been warned! (yes that is me)

EPIC camp, part 1

2007-03-15T19:45:00.000+11:00

EPIC camp is coming tomorrow!

"It'll be sicknuts"

A full review and commentary and pictures, will be up when I get back. Otherwise, hopefully I'll see you there, and if not then... have fun!

angry

2007-03-06T00:07:00.000+11:00

It's been a long two weeks, and I've been enjoying uni, apparently a lot more than most others (that's cause you go to Monash!). However, I just have this feeling that something colossally bad is about to happen. It's odd, feeling on such a high physically and spiritually, yet at the same time feeling depressed or wary for seemingly no reason at all.

I don't know why, or how, but it hangs above me like Damocles' sword, ready to drop at any moment. And you know what? I'm sick and tired of it all. I've had enough of this war that we all fight, the devastating struggles and battles that we sit down and so happily label "life". I don't want to win. I don't want to lose. I just want it to be over and done with, and gotten out of the way.

It doesn't help that my irreverent cynicism seems to be entirely justified. It seems like each time I build up my faith in someone, they somehow manage to destroy it for the most petty reasons. Such is human nature.

I've had enough of waiting for the fall, for watching behind my back for what's about to come. If it happens, it happens, and throughout it all I'm just going to laugh and say "I told you so" as if it'll make things better. Who knows, it might just do that.

Words

2007-02-17T00:21:00.000+11:00

Dan Lian's message at Youth today was awesome, and was really provoking and challenging for many, if not most. For those who missed it, Dan basically spoke about how we should be wary of what we allow to enter into our lives and thoughts, and referenced this to several forms of popular communication commonly used today. However, he seems to have missed a major component, something that can, without a doubt, touch lives, set moral standards and communicate extremely powerfully - the written word.

The written word is probably the second-oldest form of communication after the spoken word, being used extensively for almost as long as civilisation has existed, both to communicate and to educate. It has had an immeasurable impact on civilisation and indeed is one of the key reasons why we know what we know about the past and history today.

It is also an extremely powerful communicator and life-changer, and in the hands of men, has the potential to make or break lives.

The difference between the written and spoken word is that the written word can never be changed - it is set down and can be read and reread over and over again - something that was until recently (last century) impossible with the spoken word. Also, it was the only way people could contact others living across great distances. This meant that the written word was for a very long time the most lasting form of communication and so was taken very seriously.

Books and novels have the power to change lives. The Bible, for example, has touched billions of lives across generations and cultures. Another example would be Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler, which one could say indirectly contributed to the atrocities of World War Two. Yet another example is the writings of Karl Marx, which lead to revolutions and communist uprisings all around the world.

It is clear, then, that we should be very careful of what we read, lest we be badly affected by it. However, this is where things get somewhat tricky. How do we define what a "good" and a "bad" book is? Books are books, and what they say is constant and cannot physically affect you. The mind is is entirely where their effect is felt and seen, and so we should be wary.

The church has, to varying effect, denounced several books or series or authors several times, the most memorable being the Harry Potter series which was widely condemned and the Da Vinci Code which spawned many, many warnings and several counter-books. Is this acceptable? Do we need to be told what to read and what not to read, or should we be allowed to develop the mental discipline and faith to read whatever we want and decide it is bad for ourselves by doing just that?

Personally, I believe that it is extremely difficult to call a book "bad" (in terms of spiritual connotations). Words are just words, and although they have power, they only have this power if we allow them to do so. To that end, I believe that one could read, say, Marx and Engel's Communist Manifesto and not become a communist, or the Quran and not become a Muslim, or Harry Potter and not immediately become a Satan-worshipping cultist obsessed with black magic. Let me confess, I have read the Harry Potter books, as well as Dan Brown's novels (as badly researched as I think they are) and Phillip Pullman's trilogy, and I think they're all fantastic reads.

I daresay that as long as anyone reads any book with a careful attitude and a sense of caution, remembering that words cannot physically affect you and a work of fiction is just that - a work of fiction, they should be able to read anything they want without fear of morally or spiritually compromising themselves. Of course, this requires significant mental discipline to overcome the thoughts that words project into our minds, but I believe it can be done.

I would really appreciate people's thoughts on this one: can we as Christians read whatever we want? Or should we just completely avoid books that others have labelled as "bad"?

Duality

2007-02-12T01:07:00.000+11:00

First of all, this post is entirely Tim Yao's fault for intellectually stimulating me at 1am on a Sunday night by posting an exposition on Corinthians on his blog, and partially Jaz's for telling me to read it.

But let's go.

2 Corinthians 6.14:
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Now, I'm not going to talk about the meaning of this verse with regards to marriage as many do, you can instead read my comment on Tim's blog here.

Instead, what I want to discuss is the second part of this verse, to be specific "for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

The Chinese believe in the concept of yin-yang duality; that is to say, the classic belief that everything has its opposite. In this manner, everything is balanced and reaches a harmonious accord, and an imbalance leads to anarchy and a disruption in the natural order of things.

Does this indeed hold true for us? Paul clearly thinks that light and darkness have no relationship and ought not to coexist, however the fact is that there are opposites which could only exist due to the existence of the other, and in many cases complement one another to create a whole.

Without God and creation, there would be no Satan and Hell. Without light, or rather the concept of light, there would be no darkness, or rather the concept of darkness would not exist as we would be unable to define it. Without Adam, there would not have been an Eve and humanity would not be able to join as one. In fact, one philosophy holds that without any of this, or rather before creation, all that existed was chaos.

The fact of the matter is, for us, that light and darkness do exist, and, I believe, that they definitely have a complementary relationship. Without sin, how would we know what good deeds are? Without evil, how would we know what good is? They are defined by one another and so have a relationship that is unbreakable. In fact, if one examines closely, almost everything is defined by something else; such is the hold of duality upon reality.

Novelist Matthew Stover makes a very interesting statement, that "the brightest light casts the darkest shadow". This indeeds holds true and remains true to the concept of duality that so clearly exists in nature. The greatest evil is often found coexisting with the greatest good; for example, in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, the only thing that could compete with the sheer goodwill and community spirit shown by many of the city's residents was the looting, anarchy and general unlawfulness practiced by the rest of the city's residents.

One would think that this does not bode well for us at all; however it does. Many believe that the end times are near, and that toward and through these times the church will shine as a beacon for all to be saved by. If one follows the nature of duality, logically there will be a greater abundance of evil and darkness, and an uprising of anarchy and general badness as prophesied by John in the book of Revelation.

As poet W. B. Yeats puts it in his poem "The Second Coming",

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Hardly ideal times. However, we must remember that these times herald the arrival of something much greater, someone whose light shines so brightly that all darkness can be erased - indeed a light that is anti-darkness rather than the promoter of darkness.

What then, one wonders, could possibly overcome the duality that is intrinsically inherent in everything that exists? Of course, the answer is simple. The creator of everything that exists. This overwhelming light has shone just once since the fall of man - during the first coming of Jesus Christ, where the darkness merely existed to show the sheer brilliance of the light, and its ability to erase the darkness. This time, the darkness will be completely erased for all time.

There is indeed hope in this world, that soon the Saviour will come. Let us remember, however, that His coming will be heralded by the strongest duality, the most beautiful and deadly dance of good and evil, that champions will rise and fall for both sides, and that the equation will remain balanced until it is finally removed. Let us not dwell on that, though, but rather that the end will come, and that justice will be served, and that the resolution will be the correct one.

Malaysia 2

2007-02-10T01:31:00.000+11:00

Okay, for any and all interested, there are pictures of the family online here:

PhotoHamz

Warning: Some of the photos are really really huge, so if you're running on limited internet, WATCH OUT!

In other news, uni starts soon, things have been busy and tumultuous. All fun and good.

Heroes

2007-02-01T00:49:00.000+11:00

Is the age of heroes over?

From the dawn of time until the 20th century, we remember great figures, heroes and heroines who have come and gone. People from all cultures, backgrounds, religions, ranging from Moses, King David, Solomon, Joan of Arc, Jesus, to the more modern Nelson Mandela and Dr Martin Luther King.

More recently, however, we have not seen the likes of these mighty, larger-than-life figures, instead seeing our world erupt in a bloody, violent war of religion versus the state, of ideals versus mankind. We see fresh acts of terror and atrocities committed daily, until we are numbed to the state of the world.

The dominant superpower in the world is fading. The spectre of terror is rising, fuelled by the blood of its "martyrs" who kill innocents and destroy lives in the hope of earning their place in heaven.

Over all this, the threat of nuclear war hangs like the sword of Damocles, and above that, the certain knowledge that our planet is dying due to our pollution and inaction. It seems that our fate, and the fate of our planet, is intertwined, and as inevitable as it is bleak.

Surely now or soon, in this time when the light cast by the few sources remaining is fading to be consumed by the shadows, someone will step forth who will save us. A hero. A Saviour.

Faith holds, and we shall wait.

January

2007-01-16T20:32:00.000+11:00

Is very very very busy, unfortunately!

This next week, I'll be:
Working at the Aus Open selling programs
Meeting up with people from the Melbourne College of Divinity to talk about courses
Going to register and pick subjects at Melbourne University
Going sailing
Meeting this new sailing team that Master Treleaven has put together
Coaching the MHS sailing team
And lots lots more, I'm sure...!

Also, I've been listening to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers to and from the Open. Damn, that's some funky music... Oh yeah! This comes along with the realisation that I have almost nothing that could be considered conventional rock, almost everything is labelled "alternative"...

To all those who are feeling down, confused, have a lot on their minds, alone, I feel for you. Remember that you all have friends who are ready and willing to help you out.

And for you, here's Bad by U2:

If you twist and turn away.
If you tear yourself in two again.
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would let it go.
Surrender, dislocate.

If I could throw this lifeless life-line to the wind.
Leave this heart of clay, see you walk, walk away
Into the night, and through the rain
Into the half light and through the flame.

If I could, through myself, set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away, see you break, break away
Into the light and to the day.

To let it go and so to find away.
To let it go and so find away.
I'm wide awake.
I'm wide awake, wide awake.
I'm not sleeping.

If you should ask, then maybe
They'd tell you what I would say
True colours fly in blue and black
Blue silken sky and burning flag.
Colours crash, collide in blood-shot eyes.

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would let it go.

This desperation, dislocation
Separation, condemnation
Revelation, in temptation
Isolation, desolation
Let it go and so to find away
To let it go and so to find away
To let it go and so to find away

I'm wide awake, I'm wide awake, wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh no, no, no.

I'm back!

2007-01-10T00:12:00.000+11:00

From Malaysia.

Not much to report... Malaysia is the same as it was when I left it. The people seem to have gotten even more irritating and rude though. Having visited Singapore while I was there, I must say that Singapore is much better. Food's better in Malaysia though.

Seeing relatives was awesome, especially the cool ones :P. Nah, they're all cool. It was nice to meet cousins from England what I haven't seen for something like 7 or 8 years.

Being in Kuching with the entire extended family was also good, even better if you add in the sightseeing and fun stuff, and sublime if you add in the bar brawl. Although it wasn't great at the time...

Well, that's all for the moment. Pictures up later.

U-Wen

ENTER

2006-12-11T11:09:00.000+11:00

96.20

There. Not great, but I'll take it.

Looks like instead of Dr. Low, we'll have Rv. Low instead? Arts/Theology here I come!

In the meantime, I need a stiff drink. Preferably now.

Window in the Skies

2006-12-06T16:13:00.000+11:00

Oh can't you see what love has done?
Oh can't you see what love has done?
Oh can't you see what love has done?
What it's doing to me?

I know I hurt you and I made you cry
Did everything but murder you and I
But love left a window in the skies
And to love I rhapsodise...

To every broken heart,
To every heart that cries
Love left a window in the skies
And to love I rhapsodise...

Requiem

2006-12-04T00:30:00.000+11:00

Disclaimer: MHS post.

So this is the end of an era, the end of a generation and of a people. The class of 2006, a class which has undergone trial and tribulation unlike any other at Melbourne High School, has graduated.

It's interesting to look back and see what has occurred during our time at the school. We were the only class to have ever experienced three different principals, albeit one temporarily. We were the last class to have lived under the reign of Mr. Ray Willis, may he rest in peace, and the last class to have experienced an SRC President's... disentitlement, shall we say.

The ethos of the school has changed considerably in our time; for one thing, the word "ethos" has all but disappeared from usage. Traditions like the advent of "period 0" and the ever-changing belltimes have disappeared, and dare I say it, the school is but a shadow of what it once was because of these changes.

I must say, personally, that attending Melbourne High School has to be the second or third best thing that has ever happened to me. It has defined who I am, my values and strengths, and I can say with absolute conviction that it has prepared me for what lies ahead.

To those who would disparage their time at Melbourne High, pass it off as "just four years at an old building", I say, you have wasted your time. It is clear that you did not avail yourselves of all that was possible, and wasted your potential, and more importantly, squandered all that the school had to offer you. I feel nothing but disappointment for you, for you have wasted four years of your life that could have equally been spent at any other school for the same result. You could have reveled with us, experienced the array of excitement, passion and determination that was Melbourne High School. Instead, you chose not to, and for all your time have never known what it is to be a Melbourne High student.

Passion and involvement are what makes us who we are, and this is obvious in MHS. Those who were most involved, most committed to the school, are those who will miss it the most. We shone like stars at our time at MHS, lighting the torch for those to come. We excelled together, laughed and played, shed tears and frustration with one another. As has often been said, the sense of camaraderie felt and shared by the class of 2006 is quite unlike any other.

This was readily apparent at Speech Night and the Valedictory Dinner after. There, the sons of the school, the class of 2006, flew our colours and boldly. We gave the world a show not easily forgotten, and enjoyed our final time together as students of the school.

Reminiscing on what has been, there are many great memories I have: of walking into a class on Orientation Day and being told "I'm not your form teacher, and this isn't going to be your form room", of attending the memorial service for Ray Willis, of the Speech Night of 2003, of capsizing on a finish line at Sydney, of throwing a wet sponge at Chase "04 School Captain" and Hays "I'm sailing with U-Wen?!" Bailey, of being randomly congratulated by Mario Matchado in a train for winning an award, of Mardi Gras in 2006.

But most importantly, what I remember is the people: the people in 9H 2003: Andrew Liu, Charlie Chaturapornkul, Joey Paul, Andrew Tangas, Siddarth Padmanabhan, Joshie Moore, Glenn Membrey, Jase Lawrence, Ash Sier, Manny Le, Colin Soon, Dan Zhang, Brandan Cooper, Lincoln Rigby, V Naidoo, Dave Wang, Jay Prabhu, Sam Rudstein, Liam Newton, Alex Ward, Michael Best, Tim Macnamara, Michael Trigg, Matt Ampt and the incomparable Dr. Vine.

Also: Guang Chua, Jonathan Poh, Robert Koh, partner in crime and brother Nick Treleaven, Adrian and Dave Kamer, Chase and Hays Bailey, Rob Bell, Mario Matchado, Jonathan Chong, James Schultz, Liam Quirke, Andrew Cahill, Robert Dovey, Michael Webster, Nick Brown, Luwen Tan, Alex Chapman, Apurwa Sarve, Luke Poon, Chris Leow, Srav Rajupalem, Shantanu Joglekar, Richard To, Chatura Basnayake, Matt Taft, Lachie Bromley, Jashwal Singh, Shannon Nguyen, Tim Chau, Wei Yeh, Eric Yu, Nish Vivekenathan, Myles Baiden-Assan, Joe Vu, David Le, Viet Pham, and many, many more. Thank you all for being there and part of the journey.

Special thanks to Mr. Colin Axup for being a great bloke and putting up with me for the four years! Thanks for the advice, the yelling, the teaching, the screaming, death threat(s?), discrimination against everyone, humour, laughs and great times.

MHS Class of 2006, forever.

I know that this is not goodbye...

2006-11-30T23:56:00.000+11:00

Don't cry for me Melbourne High School,
The truth is that I'll never leave you
All through my four years
My mad existence
I'll keep the promise
Don't keep your distance.

This is the end, of a crazy four years which have defined me, shaped me and moulded me into the person I am today.

Speech Night:

Year 12 Song

Need I say more? Sailing prize for the win!

Valedictory Dinner:

U-Wen, Andrew and Joe: back to Year 9 academic awards...

U-Wen and the Axe, looking very... happy... ish...

Students Alive - minus Liam.

U-Wen and Alex - the great man and great School Captain.

And with Apurwa - also a great man and great Vice-Captain.

The three musketeers? Or the three stooges?

Wood and Kok, the co-ordinators... and an excellent job they did this year.

U-Wen and Siddarth Padmanabhanabandabhan. (Actually Padmanabhan, but y'know)

An era over, a year completed. We will beat MacRob this year. Just wait and watch.

Melbourne High School Class of 2006 forever!

U2

2006-11-21T21:05:00.000+11:00

19 November, 2oo6

After 11 months of waiting and a canceling, U2 had finally arrived in Melbourne and I was going! After some discussion and canceling of shifts (Andy mainly) the three people who would be going (myself, Jaz and Andy) decided that we would meet at the Glen around 11, then head to Telstra Dome.

Arriving at 12.30pm, we found an enclosure and waited. Occasionally one or two of us would leave to get food, buy merchandise, use the toilets and so on.

We then learned that we would be allowed onto the floor of the stadium at 4.45pm, a mere 4 hours after we had arrived. Entering after getting rid of a bag, we were rewarded for coming at a ridiculously early time by getting spots quite literally next to the left B-stage (the secondary stage that band members would walk out to). Close enough, as I observed, to spit onto it.

Kanye West rocked up at 7.40, and did very well (I thought). Sadly, as we were among the youngest people in the crowd that night, and many of the older ones weren't really into West's music, I have to say that his performance was underappreciated. He did remarkably well, though. However, we all knew who we were there for, and so we waited.

At 9pm the lights went out, and the intro, Wake Up by Arcade Fire, was played.

Then the show began.

City of Blinding Lights opened as always, with Bono walking up onto the B-stage right in front of us draped in an Australian flag. (The inside of his leather jacket, too, had an Australian flag, which I think most people missed)

Adam Clayton, bass guitar!

Larry Mullen Jr., drums!

Bono, voice!

The Edge, guitar!
Note that Edge didn't actually come to our B-stage, so I'm still looking for a good picture of him. As it is, I "still haven't found what I'm looking for".

Some amazing visuals, especially during Love and Peace/Sunday Bloody Sunday/Bullet the Blue Sky:

Of course, the visuals during One are neck-to-neck:

One of my personal highlights would have been standing just three meters away from Larry and Bono as Larry sang and drummed for Love and Peace:

Another highlight, having Adam grinning at us and playing:

The band finished with Kite, but then Edge was spotted whispering something to Bono and amazingly, the sounds of Bad floated over the stadium to cap off a HUGE night.

The entire setlist, as follows:
City Of Blinding Lights
Vertigo / She Loves You (snippet) / Beds Are Burning (snippet)
Elevation / Spinning Around (snippet)
Until The End Of The World
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Beautiful Day / Blackbird (snippet)
Angel Of Harlem
The First Time
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own / Torna A Surriento (snippet)
Love And Peace Or Else
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Bullet The Blue Sky / When Johnny Comes Marching Home (snippet) / The Hands That Built America (snippet)
Miss Sarajevo
Pride (In The Name Of Love)
Where The Streets Have No Name
One / Unchained Melody (snippet)

Encore(s):
The Fly
Mysterious Ways
With Or Without You
The Saints Are Coming
Party Girl
Kite
Bad / Ruby Tuesday (snippet) / 40 (snippet)

Apologies go to those around Andy and myself... The two of us really annoyed everyone else by knowing all the lyrics to all the songs (except Party Girl) and singing them at the top of our voices whilst everyone else just stood there and waited for the choruses.

And for those who were wondering why Edge said "Thank you Sydney", here are some very reliable reports from the people at Interference.com, one of the best U2 sites around:

"I dont know if its been mentioned, but the thankyou Sydney was because Larry wrote Sydney on Edge's setlist as a joke to test him."

And the reply:

"The Edge doesn't know where he is as he is on his blueberry most of the time, emailing his sick daughter. He looks up and he is in Brissyu, he looks up he is in Sydney, he looks up he is in Adeliade, he looks up he is in Melbuorne. It would all wiz past him."

It was all worth it just to see Larry and Adam absolutely cack themselves laughing at him, though. Ahh, the humour of U2 band members. (Sadly, it's something that I'd have done in Larry's position...)

All in all, an absolutely excellent night. My thanks go to the four members of U2 for putting on the best show I've ever seen in my life, to Jaz and Andy for being willing to come along so early and for being the best two people I could want to have at a U2 concert with me, and to the crowd at Telstra Dome for not killing us.

U2 forever, and let's hope they come back!

Hurrah!

2006-11-11T16:13:00.000+11:00

Exams are over, Melbourne Victory beat Perth Glory, and U2 are performing in a week and a day!

Here's a taste of what it might be like:

October

2006-10-15T22:44:00.000+10:00

October
U2

October, and the trees are stripped bare
Of all they wear.
What do I care?

October, and kingdoms rise
And kingdoms fall
But you go on
And on.

Help...

2006-10-04T22:24:00.000+10:00

O Lord, my Father, my Saviour, my God… what would I not give for just a glimpse of You, or of Your will?

I know that You exist, that You’re real, that You’re in and with us, but sometimes it’s so hard… sometimes one cannot help but wonder what You have for us.

I don’t know why. I can feel Your touch, Your presence, Your guidance; I know without any doubt that You exist, and yet I still question.

Why, Lord, why? Am I doomed to eternally question, to seek reassurance in form and substance? Was it my past, or is it who I am now?

You know that I would give my life unhesitatingly for Your cause, for my faith. You know that I would give almost anything to be able to touch the face of heaven, to dance with the angels in singing Your praises, just once.

God, I beg You, give me Your divine guidance. I need You more and more, and I know that I just can’t do it without You. Help me with this, O Lord. I’m not sure where it is I’m going, whether I’m going down the right path or heading straight for disaster. I guess the only way I will know is if You show me, or if I go ahead and find out for myself.

Either way, I know that you are with me, and that whilst you are with me, I will recover from anything that might happen.

For Yours is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever and ever, Amen.

50

2006-09-25T22:31:00.000+10:00

Well, apparently this is my 50th post. I refuse to believe that I've written in this blog 50 times, but apparently the internet (and the little green man hovering in the corner of my field of vision) tell me that I have, so there we go.

So, 50. Yeah. Cool.

I think I need to get out a lot more. And this place needs to lighten up some. And I need to work harder. And I should probably find a way to regain my sanity.

Wheeee, rambling is fun!

I was just looking through my archived pile of Word files for something to put here, then I came to the realization that I have a LOT of random stuff. And a lot of stories that have never seen the light of day. Interesting.

Did you know that that the 17 muscles of the hip work together in complex ways to produce a wide range of movement? (Thanks Wikipedia!)

Okay, I guess the kind of random spontaniety that we see in a.liu and similar is quite impossible for me to conjure up at a moment's notice. Oh, well.

My rugby top is too large. Thankfully, mum is modifying it for me! Thanks mum!

Hey, I wonder if I'll fall asleep whilst writing this sente

Once more, from the top...

2006-09-05T22:05:00.000+10:00

How time flies. Tomorrow there will be a mere 21 days remaining of Year 12, and, consequentially, secondary school life. How we change, and how quickly events pass us. Pretty soon it'll all be over, and then things'll get interesting. A life spent will soon be over, a new dawn breaking, a new generation rising. What sort of impact will we have upon the world? What sort of impact have we had in our schools?

Interestingly, I just read a couple of blogs that mentioned dating, and decided to offer the patented uwen low (TM) nonconventional view on the issue. Personally, I'd say that age has almost nothing to do with it, but rather maturity, emotions and intentions.

Ideally, I'd say, one should wait until secondary school is over. However, it may not be the case for all people; emotions can be exceedingly blinding and overwhelm rational thought. Ultimately, it is probably most important that both sides know exactly how the other feels, and have come to a mutual agreement of sorts regarding the situation. Hence, private acknowledgement is probably best, with dating just a sort of official confirmation of the situation.

So I pose three questions relating to the three things I mentioned earlier - call it the questions you want to ask before jumping in:

1. Do you think you are mature enough to handle the situation of dating in a manner that you will later have no regrets about, not overstepping your boundaries and staying within and respecting your intended partner's ideas, respecting the wishes and will of their parents and yours?
- One has to remember that equality is what makes relationships blossom, and that one cannot be expected to change another person just because one thinks differently. If you can't handle having to deal with people, to compromise, to accept defeat, you aren't ready.

2. Have you fully examined the way you feel about the other person?
- Remember that true love springs deep and flows long - just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean squat in the long run. Take some time to fully examine and test yourself before committing to something that you may later regret.

3. What are your intentions with regards to the other person and any potential relationship?
- What do you want to gain out of it? Why are you doing this? These are all pertinent questions, and it is vital that you not commit to something that you're not fully serious about, if you had no long-term plans but rather "get in whilst it's trendy to do so".

Of course, throughout the entire process, God needs to be consulted. If He doesn't agree, you're buggered. Don't even bother. You don't want to do the wrong thing, or screw your future over, or displease God, just because of the way you feel about one person, which may or may not even last.

Concluding this, I'd just like to say that if you manage to get past the three questions, be sure of the answers in yourself, are right with God and feel confident and good about it, then all the best - in my estimation, you're prepped and ready. Maturity transcends a lot of boundaries, so well done.

Oh, and remember that we all make mistakes. Learn from them, and don't repeat them.

Two Hearts

2006-08-06T00:06:00.000+10:00

Don't you just love it when there's a song that describes almost exactly how you feel, so cleanly and with an eloquence that you know you could never match?

There's something I need to say, but I'm not sure how to say it. And yet... I have to, for not doing so would be betraying all that I believe in. *shrug* The initial words have been spoken; the ramifications and following words need to be explored more carefully and soon. Every day that passes is a new one that first separates me from my goal, then brings me closer, until the days run out and a new cycle begins.

If you're reading this and you know what I'm talking about, give me a buzz. If not, just smile and nod - advice that'll get you through a lot of life.

Two Hearts Beat As One
U2

I don't know, I don't know which side I'm on.
I don't know my right from left or my right from wrong.
They say I'm a fool, they say I'm nothing
But if I'm a fool for you oh, that's something.
Two hearts beat as one.
Two hearts beat as one.
Two hearts.

I can't stop to dance
Honey, this is my last chance
I said, can't stop to dance
Maybe this is my last chance.
Two hearts beat as one.
Two hearts beat as one.
Two hearts.

Beat on black, beat on white
Beat on anything, don't get it right.
Beat on you, beat on me, beat on love.

I don't know
How to say what's got to be said
I don't know if it's black or white
There's others see it red
I don't get the answers right
I'll leave that to you
Is this love out of fashion
Or is it the time of year?
Are these words distraction
To the words you wanna hear?
Two hearts beat as one.
Two hearts beat as one.
Two hearts.

I try to spit it out
Try to explain.
The way I wanna feel
Oh, yeah, two hearts.

Well I can't stop to dance.
Maybe this is my last chance.
And I said, I can't stop to dance.
Maybe this is my last chance.
I said don't stop to dance
Maybe this is my last chance.
I said I can't stop to dance.
Maybe this is our last chance.
I said don't stop to dance.
Maybe this is our last chance.
Oh, oh!

A Night Made of Dreams and Dances

2006-07-22T15:53:00.000+10:00

And a lot of fun!

Well, as you can tell, the MHS 2006 Year 12 Formal was on last night. And what a night it was. Here's a couple of photos and a sort of very brief, badly strung-together commentary on how it was from my perspective:

Well, we turned up at Liam's place at around 5.50, and so did the limo. Then we ran over to Quor's place (performing a couple of highly illegal maneuvers along the way) and waited for the ladies to finish up.

Then we entered the limo, and away we went. Here's the only picture I have of myself and the absolutely beautiful Quor in the limo... It's terrible, I know. What can I do about it?

Then we arrived at the Grand Hyatt, stood around and took some photos. Going in, we were hit by the splendour of the location and the inordinately huge number of people that were there.

The entree was "Caesar salad". Sort of.

Main course: something which I can't recall all too well. Lamb cutlets, was it? It looked like what's in the photo, and tasted like it, too. (that's to say, good)

And dessert, a chocolate and custard tart of some form. It was shockingly rich, and not many people on our table finished it.

Some mingling, a few photos here and there, then we set our eyes on the dance floor, where Jess, Jaz, G, myself and the lovely Quor (who, incidentally, is a remarkably excellent dancer) ripped it up, much to my surprise. EDIT: Oh yeah, Andrew was there too, and burning it. Although he did turn up late. Hehe...

Quor wearing Jess's hat - I take it all back Jess, it does work, and looks absolutely remarkable at that!

Finally, the night was over and we were left to return home and remember what a fantastic time it had been.

The end. No regrets here, and I must say the SRC did an absolutely fantastic job.

My deepest thanks to Quor Yin for being the best formal date anyone could ever wish for, and for coming along and making the night perfect!

Chevalier

2006-07-19T21:31:00.000+10:00

"A Modern Code of Chivalry, based on the 'Old Code'"
Found here.

Prowess: To seek excellence in all endeavors expected of a knight, martial and otherwise, seeking strength to be used in the service of justice, rather than in personal aggrandizement.

Justice: Seek always the path of 'right', unencumbered by bias or personal interest. Recognize that the sword of justice can be a terrible thing, so it must be tempered by humanity and mercy. If the 'right' you see rings agrees with others, and you seek it out without bending to the temptation for expediency, then you will earn renown beyond measure.

Loyalty: Be known for unwavering commitment to the people and ideals you choose to live by. There are many places where compromise is expected; loyalty is not amongst them.

Defense: The ideal knight was sworn by oath to defend his liege lord and those who depended upon him. Seek always to defend your nation, your family, and those to whom you believe worthy of loyalty.

Courage: Being a knight often means choosing the more difficult path, the personally expensive one. Be prepared to make personal sacrifices in service of the precepts and people you value. At the same time, a knight should seek wisdom to see that stupidity and courage are cousins. Courage also means taking the side of truth in all matters, rather than seeking the expedient lie. Seek the truth whenever possible, but remember to temper justice with mercy, or the pure truth can bring grief.

Faith: A knight must have faith in his beliefs, for faith roots him and gives hope against the despair that human failings create.

Humility: Value first the contributions of others; do not boast of your own accomplishments, let others do this for you. Tell the deeds of others before your own, according them the renown rightfully earned through virtuous deeds. In this way the office of knighthood is well done and glorified, helping not only the gentle spoken of but also all who call themselves knights.

Largesse: Be generous in so far as your resources allow; largesse used in this way counters gluttony. It also makes the path of mercy easier to discern when a difficult decision of justice is required.

Nobility: Seek great stature of character by holding to the virtues and duties of a knight, realizing that though the ideals cannot be reached, the quality of striving towards them ennobles the spirit, growing the character from dust towards the heavens. Nobility also has the tendency to influence others, offering a compelling example of what can be done in the service of rightness.

Franchise: Seek to emulate everything I have spoken of as sincerely as possible, not for the reason of personal gain but because it is right. Do not restrict your exploration to a small world, but seek to infuse every aspect of your life with these qualities. Should you succeed in even a tiny measure then you will be well remembered for your quality and virtue.

Can a man live up to these virtues, or has the age of chivalry truly gone? Idealism tells me that he can, yet realism tells me he cannot. Do we live by a new moral code, one that is completely different to the one above? Only time will tell.

Hall of Champions

2006-07-12T22:09:00.000+10:00

Hall of Champions

At life’s end, man’s final ascent
Raised up to heaven, opportunity God-sent
A destination final, and eyes that met
Gates so shining, yet heavy-set
And in the gates, lies Heaven’s hall
Where the Saviour stands, mighty and tall
He greets some people, one by one
As a father would greet his son
A celebration; each person cheered
Whilst others stand, yet cannot be heard
The deeds of each one chronicled by hand
For all to see, and all to understand
In great tomes of leather, bound with gold
In each one, a story to be told
A portrait for each, framed and hung
In a hallway, for each champion unsung
Men and women joined in the fight
Standing up for what they knew was right
Forgotten on earth, but not on high
Where choirs sing, and angels fly
Will you, too, join the hall of champions?
Will your name be chanted by legions of angels?

Just a quick inspirational something that I wrote the other day after listening to Brenda Turner (I think). Enjoy!

Booooring!

2006-06-26T22:47:00.000+10:00

Or rather, I'm bored so let's have some random questions! Typing in "random questions" in Google and finding results is fun. Here we go:

1. If you were to die right now, what would you say was your greatest achievement?

Right now? Living the way that I think is right in God's eyes and mine regardless of what others think. Actually managing to start to get somewhere with that huge epic free verse poem which was excerpted in my previous post.

2. If you could only see one person for the rest of your life (and I'm talking just talking to them, not dating), who would it be and why?

I am not going to single out a person, cause that's not what I do. However, the traits are simple enough: creativity, inspiration, sense of humour, oneness with God. Plus, I have to think you're good :P

3. Think deep. What is your biggest, most heart wrenching fear?

To be condemned to a living hell after a quest for God. To be so fearful of something that I am prevented from acting as I would normally.

4. Think again. What is your dream in life? Dig deep into your psyche for this one.

My dream in life? To find God and to ensure His will is done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. To live a life that will bring hope, inspiration and understanding to others. To live as a paragon of the phrase "mind over matter". To make a difference.

5. Do you like who you are right now? No one word answers, please.

Most definitely. Why wouldn't I want to be me? I'd be no good at being anyone else... As it is, I'm probably terrible at being myself. Truth is, I definitely like who I am right now, and wouldn't change it for a thing... well, maybe two things. But you don't need to know what. The only thing I'm currently unhappy with is my exercise-induced asthma, which is further training for my "mind over matter" idea.

6. What is your opinion on war? Do you prefer the hand-to-hand combat of the Roman empire or the smart bombs and technology of today?

Anyone who knows me reasonably well knows the answer to this. If not, here you go. Modern warfare has taken the honour out of fighting. In an age where you can be killed anonymously, without a single chance of defending yourself, what then is the value of life? Tactics, strategy - the things of the mind are replaced by technology, which does nothing more than maim, kill, burn and destroy. Where hand-to-hand combat existed, a code of conduct, the idea of chivalry lived. Now, it has died bar to the minds of a bare few.

7. What trait is it that you value most when choosing a friend and/or lover?

Time to copy and paste: "creativity, inspiration, sense of humour, oneness with God". Although oneness with God isn't really too much of an issue; people have a choice and it is theirs to make. You'll notice that beauty isn't on the list - beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm sure that once you really get to know someone, mere aesthetics won't get in the way of a relationship.

8. Do you believe in a heaven? Please explain why or why not.

My full thoughts on this could probably constitute a thesis, so here's the short version: yes, because of my faith. Although the rational mind argues that there can be no basis for life after death, faith dictates that there must be something. The Word says there is; numerous other religions declare there is (in their own brand and form). If heaven is a mere placebo, a mere wishful thought of humanity, wouldn't it have died out after the first few thousand years?

9. What is your favorite animal and what about it makes it your favorite?

Uh... Dogs? Cause they're loyal, friendly and cute, plus they can be extremely lethal whilst appearing harmless. Just like me. :-S

10. Do you believe that the world is more superficial today than it was in centuries past?

Don't get me started on the centuries past vs today's faults thing. Suffice to say, I believe that most of modern mankind has managed to reach a new low; chivalry, honour, honesty and justice seem to have fallen away. Whilst they were corrupted in past societies, I believe that this is most evident in modern society. Superficialities? *shrug* It's pretty close. Superficialities, along with values and concepts, change over time. I can't say.

11. What do you think of the alternate religions whose popularity is growing in size? (by alternate religions, I mean NeoPaganism, Wicca, Buddhism, etc etc)

Good on them. People need something to believe in, whether it be in themselves, God, Tarot cards, Big Bangs, aliens or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Ultimately, it is not up to me to criticise someone for a choice that is completely theirs to make and will have little to no effect upon my life. We were created with freedom of choice; we have no right at all to oppress it. Except in certain cases. :P

12. Are there any questions you feel should be added to this survey?

No, I think most of the people who read this blog (total of about 3.1415 I think?) have all died of boredom now. And I've had a good rant. All good!

This has been a random blogpost by U-Wen.

Crucifixion

2006-06-18T15:48:00.000+10:00

Here's an extract from something that I've been writing. Hopefully it's good. If not, then, well, tell me, and I'll endeavour to ignore you :P

Seriously though, tell me what you think. Written in free verse, so it may or may not resound that well.

Pilate stands tall, high above the crowd
As the swallow soars above the earth
Or Luna orbits beautiful Terra,
Which of all God’s creations He deemed most fit
Upon which to bequeath His created children.
He raises his arms, and again, silence
The crowd eagerly awaits his decision.

“A choice I gave you, and Barabbas you chose
I hold true to my word of honour
As an officer of Rome, presiding over Jerusalem
Barabbas you want, and he you will have
But see, now, I wash my hands of this affair
The decision was not mine to make
Nor did I make it.
Let history not vindicate, nor towards me bear hate
I did all that was required, the choice was yours,
Upon you may the consequences fall.
Barabbas is yours! Take him, now,
The one from Nazareth will be dead by dawn.”

The crowd rejoices, they cheer and scream
And as Heaven stops and the tears of angels flow
Her counterpart rejoices as with the crowd
Lucifer, for whom divine servitude held no gain
Commands an orgy in his fiery kingdom
He that was second to one in Heaven
A shadow of his former self,
Ruling over a kingdom he despises and hates
Yet unable to return to prior glory.
For pride had consumed him,
Hatred then filled him
And servitude to the most High were a task too demeaning.
Amidst the chaos, the cheers, the mourning
From Heaven’s pearly gates one rides
A solitary figure bestride a pale horse
Death is his name, and he rides with grim purpose.
Yet the angels did smile, knowing
That the Lamb would become a Lion amidst Lucifer’s dominion
That Death would be sent back, his task unfulfilled
That one man would live, never to die
Immune forever from the Reaper’s scythe.

Also, holidays are here. *cheers* Two weeks of relaxation and rest. I think we all need it.

"Week from Hell"

2006-06-08T19:53:00.000+10:00

That was the rather appropriate name that my methods teacher decided to give this week, a few weeks ago. Two exams, the GAT, a methods SAC and the 6th of June, 2006? Could it spell trouble?

Apparently not. I've steadfastly maintained that there's no point in worrying and/or cramming for exams as by that stage, if you don't know what you're talking or writing about, you're gone anyway. And as it were, my lack of caring (although I DID study... just not overly much) worked out for the best.

Upon reflection, it worked well, but odds are I won't be trying it again, depending on my results. Cause what I did was essentially study what had been set on the study designs given by VCAA, and basically reinforced all concepts and ideas in my mind. This, combined with a general attitude of not caring as it probably wouldn't and won't affect my life overly much, led to me being happy, unburdened by tension and relatively carefree when I entered the exam room.

I guess we'll just have to wait till results come out, then see, eh? They'll either vindicate or vilify my decision and hence we'll see what my attitude is when the next batch of exams come along.

I must say, it's fantastic to have the week from Hell over and done with. Although we have a specialist maths SAC next week... meh. Year 12 photo tomorrow!

Beautiful Day
U2

The heart is a bloom, shoots up through stony ground
But there's no room, no space to rent in this town
You're out of luck and the reason that you had to care,
The traffic is stuck and you're not moving anywhere.
You thought you’d found a friend to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand in return for grace

It's a beautiful day, the sky falls
And you feel like it's a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road but you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud, in the maze of her imagination
You love this town even if it doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over and it’s been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It's a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

Touch me, take me to that other place
Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colours came out
It was a beautiful day
A beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

Touch me, take me to that other place
Reach me, I know Iím not a hopeless case

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
You don’t need it now, you don’t need it now
Beautiful day

Beautiful day indeed... Now, let's wait and watch the Socceroos advance to the second round of the World Cup!

This has been a random blogpost by U-Wen. Who has spelt his name correctly for once.

Have an update!

2006-05-29T22:10:00.000+10:00

Right, so I'm veering towards the dangerous side of boredom. What can I do? I'll blog!

Midyear exams are approaching at about 9.8 m/s^2. If you really wanted to know, that's the acceleration of a mass due to gravity whilst at the surface of the earth.

But they don't worry me!

I think it's time for a poem of some form...

As the eternal struggle continues, as battle rages

As mighty Titans fight throughout the ages

What can we do, we who are but humans?

Will we be consumed like the empire of the Romans?

Chivalry, a powerful substance of ages lost

Would that it lived – it died, at what cost?

Who, now, to bow to once-regal King?

Who now could mighty Excalibur swing?

Knights of future past, riding potent steeds

Long immortalised for their virtuous deeds

How then, this age, had we these men of old

Would their influence once again society mould?

Some quick thoughts, anyway... See ya!

Continuation

2006-05-21T17:17:00.000+10:00

What were a man to say, with a conundrum such as this?
To unravel the Gordian knot of man’s greatest mystery
That known as life, which unlocked will give bliss
Yet man goes on, seeking, never finding.

What of life, of its seductive nature?
Held so precious by some, yet nothing to others
‘Tis certainly a most intriguing adventure
Each path different like humanity’s lies.

Why, then, continue, on this path?
Has destiny truly ordained your walk?
How to reconcile future and past?
How to know what lies ahead?

So what, then, the meaning of life?
Wherefore does man serve a higher purpose?
To live, to die, work, find a wife
Nothing is achieved, and nothing lost.

Yet time spins on, continuing on its journey
It cannot stop nor ponder, for such a thing
Would be impossible, yet it holds the key
To the gate of truth, the fount of knowledge.

What, then, is achieved, what is gained?
Would the world not continue without us?
Would the sun not shine, the planets remain
In their endless dance through dreamy space?

Stuck

2006-05-12T22:24:00.000+10:00

"You've got to get yourself together, you've got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it..."

Yeah, that's me. I have to find a way to get myself out of this phase I'm currently in... It's hard to find motivation for Year 12 when you know that it's all really just a farce designed to keep us trapped, away from society until we pass that rocky stage of adolescence.

I know what I want to do. I know that I have a better destiny planned for me by God than I could imagine. But somehow, I have to endure this and get through... What good is VCE when really, all you want to do is write, teach and preach?

I guess it's also because of all this nonsense that year 12s find it harder to be closer to God - we simply can't do it because we just don't have enough time. I'd personally like to be able to NOT have my life dictated by VCAA, and hence be able to read the Word, pray, write and so on a lot more often than I actually can thanks to SACs, homework and so on.

Year 12 really is a farce. We spend a whole year to have our lives defined by one short exam at the end of the year, or rather NOT defined by that silly exam. Because, when you get down to it, what difference will it make when you are interviewed for a job? Just because you got an ENTER of 99.95 doesn't mean that you will actually know what you're doing - it just means that you worked well under school conditions and had extremely specialised knowledge of your subjects that you probably forgot a month later.

I need to get out. I need an anchor, something to hold me back to reality whilst I traverse the dreamy landscape that is my mind, fighting the demons inside and out. I need God more and more, but seemingly I need humanity more and more as well.

The young man paused for a moment, reflecting upon what he had written. He sensed the growing frustration and disappointment within him, reached within himself and sought solace in the Word, allowing joy to fill his heart. However, this, too, soon vanished despite his best efforts to keep it there, replaced by a cold emptiness he knew was not of his own making. A beautiful face floated to the top of the murky pool that was his memory, shining like the full moon on a winter's day, cutting through the swathes of desolation to reach him. He smiled, yet inwardly he grimaced, not knowing if the memory was of his own or of the Spirit's bidding, not knowing how or why he felt this way towards her, not knowing what it would bring. He sighed, and turned back to his writing...

Yeah, it's been one of those days. An excerpt:

His natural eloquence falls away upon seeing her,
Falls like a browning leaf from a tree in autumn.
He stands speechless; he is amazed
By who she is, and what she stands for.
She reminds him of the mighty ones,
Written about in the Book of Truth,
Steadfast and unyielding in their faith
Challenging all and defeating whatever came.
Mighty David with his great deeds
His felling of a giant, and grace extended to Saul.
Moses, whom God called to serve,
Yet did so reluctantly, then passionately,
Leading his people out of the sand-filled dunes
With faith, walking through a sea red.
The holy three, who refused to an idol bow,
And for this were cast into flame
Yet passed unscathed.
Mary, whose faith held firm
Even upon seeing her Saviour cruelly entombed,
And who was rewarded for her faith.
Or the wife of the king, Esther
Whose conviction in the Lord ran strong
Strong enough to oppose her enemies
And hence saved the children of Jerusalem.
She reminds him of them, and more
For the mark of the Lord is strong upon her life
And he marvels.

For those familiar with the works of John Milton, you will see that this has been heavily influenced by him. I don't know why I do this, why I sit here and write. Perhaps it's to justify my feelings and existence, perhaps it's to come to terms and understand this insanity. Who knows but the Lord?

"Til we have built Jerusalem/In England's green and pleasant land"

Ach. It's time to go. What could possibly be the final hurdle in the race known as sailing in Melbourne High School awaits me, early in the morning. I will meet it, and send it back to its creator in a way that he would never recognise it...

Adieu.

Seventeen

2006-05-02T18:34:00.000+10:00

Seventeen, and a thousand-yard stare
Strips my mind bare
But do I care?

Seventeen, and do I dare
To make things fair,
To help make a pair?

Seventeen, and I leave my lair
An occasion rare
But I'll go - where?

Seventeen, and sitting on this chair
In my mind, a tear
More than I can bear...

More poetry, etc.

2006-04-30T17:48:00.000+10:00

Right. Here we go: pretty much whatever I've written recently, dumped into a huge post. Because I can.

O LORD,
Your Light brightens the darkest night
Your Love shatters the deepest despair
Your Spirit walks with the loneliest man
Your Grace saves the hardest heart

Your Power formed all that we know
Your Majesty commands our deepest respect
Your Glory outshines all Your creations
Your Sacrifice has saved our souls.

___________________________________________

Your creations rise
Rebel, fall
Create, destroy
Are born, die
But always You remain
Who You are
Past, present, future
Always and forever
Ever constant,
Always the LORD.

___________________________________________

Who’s to say what these things mean?

Not all things are ascertained

But of one thing, I’m sure

The way I feel about you will always remain.

If only what they said was true,

That true love will never tire

But what I do know, I won’t forget

That seeing you sets my heart on fire

Is this true? Is it real?

Is it just my imagination?

Even I’m not too sure

I need some affirmation

When I see you next, I’ll be able to tell

My heart will tell me if it really is true

But whatever happens, know this now:

I don’t think I can change how I feel about you.

_____________________________________________

Time slows and stops as I turn to look at you

Strange, that you don’t know how I feel

Isn’t it obvious, can’t you know?

It is to me something that is just so real.

You look lovely tonight, glowing from within

You’re the star of the show, and you don’t even know

When I look at you, everything grows dim

Around you, everything just seems to flow.

Yeah... That's pretty much it. The last one's unfinished as of yet... Hopefully I'll finish it soon.

Well...

2006-04-20T12:06:00.000+10:00

To live and have experienced life to the full,

The greatest miracle of all the Lord's works,

What would a man but give, for that irresistible pull,

That which shows us who we are?

Just something I felt like writing... Don't know if I can expand on it, as I reckon it stands pretty well on its own.

What to say? Roast-A-Christian at MHS was a huge success, and congratulations are in order to the panel, who did a fantastic job. The hall was fairly packed, and by a quick reading of faces most people who were there were actually listening and learning. Praise the LORD! Hopefully this will go a long way towards our goal of changing attitudes and perceptions of and towards Christianity in the school... I have a feeling that it's already started. God is truly awesome.

Reggie Dabbs will be speaking on the 21st of April at Boom Youth, which will be held in the MHS gymnasium. Be there! At the moment though I think I'm the only one of the year 12s from Students Alive going... Ah, well. Hopefully our promotion of the event during RAC persuaded some people to come along and check it out. We'll see. As long as the MHS flag is flying strongly there...

I'll end with a song that kind of shows how weird I've been recently... Not bad, but just weird.

__________________________________________________________________
Tryin' To Throw Your Arms Around the World
U2

Six o'clock in the morning, you're the last to hear the warning
You been tryin' to throw your arms around the world.
You been falling off the sidewalk, your lips move but you can't talk
Tryin' to throw your arms around the world.

Gonna run to you, run to you, run to you; be still.
Gonna run to you, run to you, woman, I will.

Sunrise like a nose-bleed, your head hurts and you can't breathe
You been tryin' to throw your arms around the world.
How far are you gonna go before you lose your way back home
You been tryin' to throw your arms around the world.

Gonna run to you, run to you, run to you; be still.
Gonna run to you, run to you, woman, I will.

Yeah I dreamed that I saw Dali with a supermarket trolley
He was tryin' to throw his arms around a girl.
He took an open top beetle through the eye of a needle
He was tryin' to throw his arms around the world.

I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you, woman be still.
I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you, woman, I will.

Nothing much to say, I guess; just the same as all the rest
Been tryin' to throw your arms round the world.
And a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle
When you're tryin' to throw your arms around the world.

Gonna run to you, run to you, run to you
I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you
I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you, woman be still
Woman be still, woman be still, woman I will.

Psalmesque

2006-04-01T16:02:00.000+11:00

What might has a man compared to the LORD,
Creator, Redeemer, above all?
But joyful is he who is humbled before God,
For he will have life abundant.

Great and almighty is the LORD's power,
Creator of Heaven and Earth.
Strengthened is he who has faith in God,
For he will have power in Him.

How great the LORD, creator of life,
Ruler of Heaven and Earth.
Blessed is he who obeys the LORD
The Spirit will flow within him.

How beautiful are the LORD's creations,
Immeasurable, unimaginable.
How happy is he who marvels in the LORD,
He will be content.

How wise the LORD, filled with mercy,
Father, King, friend.
Safe is he that trusts in the LORD,
He has power over demons.

How amazing the LORD, Saviour of the world,
He sent His Son for man.
How glad are those who know the truth,
They see purpose in life.

How wonderful the LORD, before, now and after,
Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
Saved is he who believes in the LORD,
He will live forever.

Written 31 March 2006

A Love Poem

2006-03-22T01:03:00.000+11:00

Don't know, I've been feeling poetic recently. And I guess poetry is a good outlet for these things... even love poetry which I have been writing...

A Foolish Love Poem
U-Wen Low

What to write to one whom I love?

Some words, some ink on a piece of paper

Can they truly express how I feel?

Or are they just a foolish caper?

Unrequited feelings help make the world turn

Yet the thought behind them is seldom pure

Let me say, my thoughts are not of lust

When I gaze upon your beauty demure

Your eyes shine like the moon, ever so bright

And your gaze can hold a man captured forever

A word from your lips holds me spellbound

Sends my mind spiralling into the aether

Your beauty is beyond mere words

The letters fading and drifting away

The delicate crown that encircles your head

Shines like the sun at the start of a day

But most beautiful of all, your personality

Exquisite, like the finest sapphire

Lights up the darkest day of my life

Taking away my worries so dire

No poem could describe how I truly feel

Yet this is the best I can offer

Accept this, smile, light up my day

But don’t turn your gaze upon another…

And, I am horrible at coming up for titles for poetry... as you've probably noticed. Anyway, just thought I'd share this with everyone else...

[Untitled]

2006-03-16T11:15:00.000+11:00

There's a young man there who's walking in the street
Doesn't know what he's doing, who he's gonna meet
But he knows that what he's doing is not up to him
Rather trusting in the will and the way of the King

He's a-walking down, walking, in the dead of the night
But no-one approaches, no-one looking for a fight
Cause they see in his eyes an unnatural gleam
They don't know what it is but it's the Spirit's sheen

Walking past sin, sorrow and shame
Every bad thing he meets, he invokes the Lord's name
Everyone around him's stunned, even in their haste
To see this young man stepping out in faith

He reaches down to others, pulling them up
They don't know it but they were all waiting for his help
Together they journey, overcoming all
Until the end of the road, until the enemy's fall

It's a fine thing to see, the young ones' march
Nothing quite like it in days present and past
But there's only a few, others willing to wait
What they don't really know is they're gonna be late.

Story of Sydney

2006-03-11T12:47:00.000+11:00

So, as you may or may not know, I've just recently returned from Sydney, where I was one of those who lost the Crawford Shield (BUT I helped win sailing!) to North Sydney Boys' High School.

Sydney, I've decided, is a place where the word "organisation" can be in no way applied, especially with regards to its roads, public transport system and drivers. It's a nice place though... but I still prefer Melbourne.

Anyway, on to the purpose of this post, which is, as always, a rant. Whilst I was in Sydney, I managed to visit the Mardi Gras. Now there was a sight to get any Christian's blood boiling. First of all, it was the Mardi Gras and hence full of homosexuals. (obviously)

I'd like to point your attention to Leviticus 20.13: If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

So they were already committing sin, and knowingly so. And if that wasn't bad enough, there was a float filled with anti-Christian marchers denouncing the Bible and Christianity in general! Now, I know that they'll get what's coming to them, but one can't help but feel extremely angered at blatant blasphemy such as that.

Of course, I'm a great believer in freedom of speech and so on. However, this was no less than an attack against a religion. The last time something like this happened, embassies were burned and people killed! Which all goes to show the tolerance of Christianity.

But despite us being tolerant, we must also make a stand for what we believe in! If we do not make our views clear, then they will surely be ignored. The Muslim world is remarkably good at making its views clear, as we've seen with the recent cartoon scandal. Now, I'm not suggesting that we should go out and burn homosexuals or whatever, but really, we shouldn't be allowing this!

What makes it worse, of course, is those "churches" that allow gay marriages, even "sanctify" them. This is what causes people to think of Christianity as indecisive and weak, divided and unsure. It is Biblical canon that homosexuality is wrong. Why then allow it in a church?

The next thing was the free flow of alcohol around the city. Everywhere I went, there were underage people drinking alcohol. Now, I'm a more free-minded thinker, and I am okay with a bit of wine or suchlike here and there. But, people were getting drunk! The worst thing was, police were patrolling about and didn't even spare a glance towards the underage drinking.

One guy got so drunk that he was hospitalised and needed to have his stomach pumped!

What kind of society allows this? Are we really so lacking in self-discipline that we cannot even resist a small temptation like that? It is truly disgraceful. Personally, I believe the fault lies with the parents, who not only knowingly supplied alcohol, but joined their children in drinking it.

Admittedly, seeing people drunk is quite funny. However, it's no way to behave at all. What is this world coming to? Children are getting drunk before they can even legally learn to drive! Can it be saved before it's too late?

As Christians, we must make a stronger stand, present a more unified front towards the rest of the world. Only then can we triumph. Only then can we help them to see the error of their ways and repent.

"40"

2006-03-02T19:10:00.000+11:00

Here's a song I've recently discovered by U2... It's a beautiful song, written directly from Psalm 40.

"40"
U2

I waited patiently for the Lord.
He inclined and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay.

I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song.
How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long, how long, how long
How long to sing this song?

You set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm.
Many will see, many will see and hear.

I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song
How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?

And in case you were wondering, I'll continue my experiments and adventures with writing music and poetry later.

A quick update on my life: going to Sydney on Saturday, coming back Tuesday night, taking Wednesday off, going to school on Thursday, dental surgery on Friday. Simple, fun and effective.

Oh, and Psalm 40:

1: I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
2: He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
3: And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.

God bless, U-Wen.

Music!

2006-02-25T23:06:00.000+11:00

Ok... This might or might not work.

Seeing as how I've been all poetic recently, I thought I'd try songwriting. Seems like an obvious, logical extension from poetry, except where the music is concerned.

So... How's this sound to people for lyrics? Slightly corny, I know, but better a lame first attempt than nothing at all, I'd hope.

You and I
To this world of haste
Torn with war, filled with waste
Down you came, O Lord
And You gave amazing grace

You pulled me from the depths
And you changed my life
Now I fear not death
For in You I have life

You died for me
And I will live for You
You came to me
And I will live to be with You

You and I, I can't make it on my own
You and I, God help me find my way home
You and I, You have saved me from the dark
You and I, Lord forever in my heart

Upon a cross You lay
A price just You could pay
Giving us our salvation
Helping us to redemption

You died for me
And I will live for You
You came to me
And I will live to be with You

You and I, I can't make it on my own
You and I, God help me find my way home
You and I, You have saved me from the dark
You and I, Lord forever in my heart

All my heart yearns to be with You
Help me live straight and true

Holy Spirit live in me
Help me reach my destiny

You and I, for I trust in You
You and I, I can't do it without You
You and I, You're the reason that I am
You and I, Lord, You and I...

Thoughts? Comments? Please tell me what you think... Yeah, it's kinda hard to visualise without music. Yes, I'll try. No, I can't promise anything.

God bless, U-Wen

Ladies and Gentlemen...

2006-02-20T21:56:00.000+11:00

For once, I'm in one of my rare upbeat moods. Everyone celebrate! *cheers*

Seriously though, I'd just like to thank all of my friends for putting up with me. I know that I'm a hard guy to be around sometimes, and I must say, you guys do a splendid job of not ditching me and running off... Hehehe.

Especially to those whom I've had dealings with in the past week, I'm quite sorry for being rather... one-tracked. I do get frustrated when people get sidetracked, especially when talking about urgent matters, and so if I've seemed rude or brusque in pushing the topic of conversation back to where it belongs, I must apologise.

I also have to apologise for being so introverted. I do realise that I am rather quiet, and I do try not to be, but it's just the way I am... Rest assured, I try. Not always very hard, but I try nonetheless.

You guys are the absolute best, so thank you so much. I know it's not easy to be one of my friends - mainly because of who I am and how I act - so I really appreciate you guys, even if I don't show it. May I just say to those who are close to me, I'd trust you guys with my life. I would go to almost any lengths for you, and you have earned my undying respect (something not easy to obtain).

You know who you are. You all deserve a lot more than you get from me. Every single one of you.

Thank you for being with me, every step of the way. I consider myself extremely blessed to have companions like you by my side.

Special thanks must go to the one and only Saviour, who has been with me through thick and thin. God, I know that You are always near, and I just want to draw nearer to You.

And, to finish, a song which I think describes me quite well... :P

Angry Young Man - Billy Joel

There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his working class ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl,
He's always at home with his back to the wall.
And he's proud of his scars and the battles he's lost,
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs on the cross-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.

Give a moment or two to the angry young man,
With his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand.
He's been stabbed in the back, he's been misunderstood,
Its a comfort to know his intentions are good.
And he sits in a room with a lock on the door,
With his maps and his medals laid out on the floor-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.

I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage
I found that just surviving was a noble fight.
I once believed in causes too,
I had my pointless point of view,
And life went on no matter who was wrong or right.

And there's always a place for the angry young man,
With his fist in the air and his head in the sand.
And he's never been able to learn from mistakes,
So he can't understand why his heart always breaks.
But his honor is pure and his courage as well,
And he's fair and he's true and he's boring as hell-
And he'll go to the grave as an angry old man.

St. Valentine's Day

2006-02-13T23:05:00.000+11:00

I stood there waiting, upon the rocky shore,
I'd had a taste, but I just wanted more;
You walked right past, across the rocky hearth,
Sending a shot right across the door of my heart.

Your smile lit up the room like a burning fire,
But I was so caught up in my causes so dire;
It all flew over my head, waiting for no man,
Before gently settling in, closing on the land.

I was lost for words, I didn't know what to say,
Your beauty reminded me of a blooming field in May;
The sound of your laugh was burned into my brain,
It would end up causing me nothing but pain.

I tried so hard to show you my true colours,
But you had eyes only for the others;
Till towards the end I tore myself apart,
Just trying to show you the shape of my heart.

Lost for words,
I don't know what'll work;
You live with the birds,
To you I'm just a quirk.

A lofty quest, to enter the battle,
To prove myself worthy, to show my mettle;
Show that I'm not all they take me to be,
Show that I wish that you would be with me.

I'll keep on waiting, till the end of the world,
The masts will be up, the sails unfurled;
But the ship'll remain in port, its anchor held steady,
Waiting for you to tell me that you're ready.

I know it'll never happen, I know there isn't a chance,
But it's better to have tried and failed than never learned to dance;
So much to tell you, yet so little time,
I guess I'll just tell you next Valentine.

The Man on the Train

2006-02-05T14:40:00.000+11:00

A true story. My poem, my prayer. My cry to others.

I saw a man on the train the other day;
He got on with us, and when I started to pray,
He began to speak.

It seemed as though he spoke to himself,
To no-one and everyone and especially myself,

His dress was unusual, his hair unkempt,
He was treated with all forms of contempt.

He muttered to himself, the words tumbling,
Falling from his mouth with a volcano's rumbling.

He was shunned and despised,
But seeing as his words were so wise;
It occured to me to listen to what he had to say.

He spoke of the end, the judgement to come,
When the Lord would sit upon his golden throne;
Imparting His justice and wisdom to some,
Bringing those of His on earth back home.

"Beware ye His judgements, the fall of his sceptre,
for he that fails will be cast into fire forever!"

"The end will come, and all will be judged,
So love one another, and hold ye not a grudge."

"He sent His Son, the Lamb of Heaven,
To die upon a cross for the sins of men."

So I stood and heeded the words of this man,
Whilst the others in the carriage denounced him as mad.

Little do they know that what he spoke was true,
But alas, on that carriage, true believers were few,

But had they heeded what this madman said,
They'd find the Spirit entering their head.

Alas! for the poor lost souls
To live a life in constant anguish
To know not a God who loves them
To be condemned for years eternal.

Alas!

Back To School!

2006-02-01T18:52:00.000+11:00

So, it looks like it's back to school for everyone!

Year 12 has come, and it's a daunting prospect. Looking at this first term, I somehow manage to miss at least one day every week due to house sports, school activities or sailing. Already, the pressure is on for me to work hard to compensate.

Add to that the job of co-ordinating the sailing team, organising training and coaching, attending competitions, choosing members of the team, and it looks even worse.

Then, you add in Melbourne High's traditionally hectic first term factor, put in homework, two jobs and other duties, and you have a very worried young man!

Urgh... I seriously hope and pray that I'll manage. Thank God the holidays are coming soon, although that's probably the cause of the problem... Ah, well. It'll be over so soon.

I found an awesome verse when I decided to have a break from Specialist Maths *shudder* just then in the book of Isiah, which reads as follows:

Isiah 26.3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Or, in the Good News version:
You, LORD, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You.

So, can I keep my purpose firm and leave my trust in the Lord? Only time will tell...

One Last Message...

2006-01-27T22:33:00.000+11:00

This is to all of the ladies and gentlemen who are in their final year in 2006.

VCE. The trial that awaits every student in Victoria. It's touted to be the year that makes or breaks us. The year when dreams are made or broken. The best year of our lives, but also the most important and serious.

I say, it's the year with the most opportunity for us to excel.

We are perfectly poised to reach out and perform our true calling, to do what we are all meant to do. At this stage, we are the leaders of the school, the ones with the most influence. We should reach out, use the opportunity and tools that God has given us, to do what we can do.

I sense that this year is to be a year like no other. Our schools are laid before us, their corridors glistening with opportunity. Think about it. We have the most influence in the school. We are the most respected and well-known students in the school. We are mentors to most of the younger students.

A sentence that burned itself into my brain as Pastor Kong Hee was speaking today was this:

"We are limited only by the boundaries of our imaginations"

How true. If you think about it, as long as we have the faith and determination to push through with these things, we will ultimately triumph. All we need to do is trust in the Lord, and do our best for Him. Unfortunately, those two things are amongst the hardest of all.

This isn't going to be easy. It never is. Why do you think Jesus said "take up your cross and follow me"? Back then, the cross wasn't the symbol it is now. It was a symbol of death. What Jesus meant was that we had to be prepared to do whatever it took in order to follow him, even unto death.

But I know that if we have faith, we will triumph. It is no less than our sacred duty to do battle with the forces of Satan wherever we are; it is a battle that has been fought for as long as humanity can remember. However, with faith and with God on our side, we will triumph.

This is our year. It is a year where we can, and I know we will, reach out and give our worlds a good shake. We're going to wreak havoc in the order and stability, the routine that our fellow students are kept in. We're going to fight the fight, and we're going to triumph! We will see lives changed, people turned, the devil cast down! For this is our year, and we are NOT going to let it go quietly without us having a say in it!

I could wish you all a good year. I could wish everyone good luck - if I believed it would help. We make our own fortunes, guided by the Spirit. Luck has no reign in our lives. I could even wish you all a quiet, pleasant year where you attain the result you want, go on to uni and leave school just as it was. But I'm not going to do that.

Instead, I will bid you a life-changing journey, a year that will see you impact your school like nothing before, and pray that God will be with you in all that you do. I will leave you with these words, "victoria aut mors" - "Victory or Death". For this is the motto I think we should be following. We will accept no compromise, no pact with the devil. We will not settle for second best! For we are warriors for Christ, and we will have victory or death!

Prepare for battle!

Living The Christian Life

2006-01-18T21:46:00.000+11:00

Romans 12, from the King James version of the Holy Bible:

1: I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

2: And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

3: For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

4: For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:

5: So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

6: Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

7: Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

8: Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

9: Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

10: Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
11: Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

12: Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

13: Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

14: Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

15: Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

16: Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

17: Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

18: If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

19: Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

20: Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

21: Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Was led to read this whilst praying a few days ago, by the awesome grace of God. I really think that there's a lot that we can gain from these verses.

That is all.

God be with you all! U-Wen

Voices In My Head

2006-01-16T02:56:00.000+11:00

Grrr... Sometimes I really hate my brain. It's at once the source of my greatest power and my greatest weakness. It helps define who I am, but at the same time it restricts who I can be.

What my brain is to me in a few words: cold, logical, ruthless, quick, complicated, paradoxical, tumultuous, wondrous, amazing, companion, enslaver.

Arrgghhh... It really, really vexes me. Every time my body, or my emotions wish to take control, to make me become someone else, someone that I'm meant to be, my brain steps in. It inserts these cold, evil questions, making me pause, reflect, and eventually, lose momentum.

Every time I seek to break out, to stop being my usual quiet self and mingle, exclaim, laugh, cry; it steps in, saying "Why? Why bother? You're not going to benefit from this. Neither is anyone else around you. Stay as you are."

Every time I stand up to speak in front of an audience, it tells me: "You're afraid. You're afraid because you know that you can and have screwed up. There are people here who will disagree with what you've said. Your speech isn't the best."

Every time I try to become more involved in a relationship of any sort, it orders: "Stop. You're not going to do this. You'll just humiliate yourself and your family, and people are going to get hurt if anything goes wrong, and you know it is. Your reputation is going to suffer. It's not worth it. Boy, it's just me and you, and that's how it's going to be."

Every time I read the Word of God, or listen, it questions me: "How do you know that this is true? Can you prove it? You do know that faith is by definition senseless and chaotic, right? How can you believe what these people are telling you? You're just doing this to gain friends, of which you don't have many. Do you really trust in God?"

Even now it defies me: "What kind of a cold, calculating intellect is able to sit back and so calmly examine and define itself? At any rate, the only way you can define yourself is in terms of others, and that's generally a pretty poor comparison anyway."

As I said, it's the source of my greatest failing, and at once the key to my success and failure.

I've noticed that when under the influence of the Holy Spirit, or generally in the presence of God, my brain tones down. It becomes more passive, more quiet. That's why I generally appear to be schizophrenic - that is, I behave in one way under one setting, and in a different way under another setting. That's why I'm so different when leading in Kids Church, or talking to others just after a service.

So forgive me for any transgressions, any offences, any false impressions that I have performed before you. I am at war with myself, and I guess only God can help me out. I implore you, please be understanding, please help me to become who I am meant to be.

This is a battle that I have to fight, and one that I must win. I have been fighting for all of my life; recently, I have come back from a seemingly hopeless position to a winning one. Planetshakers helped this even more.

However, I trust in God to help deliver me from myself. For as the Scriptures say, in order to find oneself, one must first lose oneself. I may be acting erratically in the near future. If you see this, rest assured that it's for the better; for if I lose, you probably won't even see me. For my brain is a reclusive one, one that revels in pointing out the hypocrises and lies of the world.

I must allow God to work within, to let the Holy Spirit cleanse this mind. For only then, I feel, can I begin to undertake the task that God has set out for me.

I will most probably emerge different; indeed, I sense a change has already begun, and has been going on for a few weeks now. I trust that you all will understand; thank you for your support.

God be with you all, U-Wen.

PS: another quick ad break - go to www.divinerevelation.blogspot.com! Trust me...

Hold your horses!

2006-01-15T01:33:00.000+11:00

For this isn't actually a proper post.

www.divinerevelation.blogspot.com will be the place to be for your Christian musings and other stuff -> we can't save everyone, but in the name of the Lord, we will try!

I'll still be using this blog though. It's good. In my opinion, at any rate (and that's all that counts for me, people!)

Elevation!

2006-01-14T01:23:00.000+11:00

Elevation
www.u2.com

High, higher than the sun
You shoot me from a gun
I need you to elevate me here,
At the corner of your lips
As the orbit of your hips
Eclipse, you elevate my soul

I've lost all self-control
Been living like a mole
Now going down, excavation
I and I in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high, elevation

A star lit up like a cigar
Strung out like a guitar
Maybe you could educate my mind
Explain all these controls
I can't sing but I've got soul
The goal is elevation

A mole, living in a hole
Digging up my soul
Going down, excavation
I and I in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high, elevation

Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

A mole, living in a hole
Digging up my soul
Going down, excavation
I and I in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high, elevation
Elevation...
Elevation...
Elevation...
Elevation...
Elevation...
Elevation...

That's what I want out of this life... Elevation. Elevation out of the depths of the depravity and depression that humanity has become, elevation to a higher, better place - the Kingdom of God.

And only one person can provide me with that elevation, and "make me feel like I can fly", God!

I've been reading up on religious history and so on, thanks to Wikipedia, and I've discovered that many people don't like Pentecostals. Or Charismatics. In fact, a LOT of people don't. They even go so far as to cite Biblical references as to the reason why the Pentecostal church is flawed, even Satanic.

To them, and to the voice of doubt in my head, I say: Press on! God can elevate us out of this. Why has the church fractured so badly, until different people who have never met one another, and would probably quite like and respect one another, fight over some verse in the Bible that has been taken way out of context and proportion by both sides?

Honestly... the inherent stupidity in human nature makes me want to smack my head against a wall. Or, preferably, someone else's head against the wall - Satan's, most often.

We should not allow these arguments, these misinterpreations, these schisms, to undermine our united belief in the one and only Living God, who sent His son Jesus Christ to die upon the cross to redeem humanity. Why do we fight? WHY ARE HUMANS SO DAMNED STUPID AND SHORT-SIGHTED?!

Looking back at what I just wrote, I realised that the word "damned" is curiously appropriate. But we can overcome all of this, for are we not all brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus? Just because some of us worship God in a different way, or have a different version of the Bible, doesn't mean that we ought to loudly and constantly argue against one another, fighting to bring already-saved believers to "the true cause"!

It seems that some of the humans who control the various denominations of the Church of God have forgotten their primary mission, their primary calling in life. We must make them remember, somehow, and pray that God elevates them out of the depths that they have sunk to; that is, claiming that speaking in tongues is diabolical, that we should not believe in prophecy or miracles, that all we should do is meditate upon the Word and not seek instruction or help from God.

There's one part of a verse in the song which I particularly think relates to this -

"Maybe you could educate my mind
Explain all these controls
I can't sing but I've got soul
The goal is elevation"

Come on! Which one of us cannot relate to that, and our quest for God? The goal for all of us is elevation to a higher plane, to Heaven. We all seek answers, education from God. We don't know everything. Why can't the various denominations just put aside their small, minor differences and work towards the common goal?

The fate of the sinner is thus: Revelation 20.15 says that "And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."

That's a pretty horrible fate, considering that it'll last for all eternity. So why can't people see that? Do they honestly wish for their friends, their family, the rest of the world to suffer a horrible fate, to burn in Hell, whilst they argue about how a single verse in the Bible is interpreted?

I just pray that God will help us to pull through, and in the end times, to unite.

And that's a reason why I love that song - it reminds me of my purpose in life, my past, my future.

I've lost all self-control
Been living like a mole
Now going down, excavation
- My past

A star lit up like a cigar
Strung out like a guitar
Maybe you could educate my mind
Explain all these controls
I can't sing but I've got soul
The goal is elevation
- The acceptance of Christ

A mole, living in a hole
Digging up my soul
Going down, excavation
- The change

Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you
- The declaration

This has been a spontaneous, random post by U-Wen Low.

God be with you all!

Defining a Personality: U-Wen Low

2006-01-11T21:02:00.000+11:00

So, life here begins in Brighton, in England... On the 2nd of May, 1989, a young boy is born. He's named U-Wen, a hitherto unknown Chinese variant on the Scottish name Ewan. A few days later, people look worried. There's been a problem - he's got Hirschsprung's disease! From Wikipedia: "Hirschsprung’s disease is a congenital disorder of the colon in which certain nerve cells, known as ganglion cells, are absent, causing chronic constipation."

A delicate operation later, the boy was ok, although waste from his body was being disposed of through a little bag that was attached to a hole in the side of his intestines. He grew up happily in England, staying just long enough for the pull-through operation to be performed, then returned with his family to their native Malaysia. All that was left was two large scars in his side...

Growing up in Malaysia is a traumatic business, especially for those who are young. The young lad was joined by a sister a year later in 1992, and they were happy. At least, until he went to primary school in 1995... This is where the story begins.

I hated primary school. In an overwhelmingly large majority of other countries, primary school is a happy time, a time of little learning compounded by games and friends. However, in Malaysia, things are different... Ever seen a 6-year old boy whipped by a rattan cane? Not once, not twice, but thirty times? That was a common measure of discipline in the school I went to.

It was, for me, a living hell. I could not speak Chinese. In my first year, I was taunted and tormented by my teacher, who delighted in pointing me out to other parents. "See, there's the only boy in the class who can't speak Chinese!" Thankfully, my grades were good, and I was transferred to a more intelligent class (see, classes are organised by intelligence in Malaysia... Competitive.) and to a new teacher.

Still, the punishment was always the same. The workload was ridiculous - looking back, I quite honestly haven't done as much work from year 7 to 11 as I did from years 1 to 6. The days were long, too - starting at 7 in the morning and finishing at 4 in the afternoon. After school, tutoring, for I still was horrible at Chinese.

Back then, I had no way of escaping from the reality I lived in. My parents, whilst very loving and kind, were busy, both working. However, the best thing they ever did to me was teach me to read English from birth. Being possessed of a powerful imagination, I seized every book that was thrown to me, these books being my only form of escape. Hence, these were the first of three key things which I think helped define my personality.

When I was young, probably either just before or just after I entered primary school, I read a series of books by C.S. Lewis. They were entitled, "The Chronicles of Narnia". So anyway, that was my primary form of escape - reading. The second form was sailing, which I began at the age of 9. Every week, I would go to the Royal Port Dickson Yacht Club, take out a boat, and practise hard with my fellow sailors.

The torment of primary school continued, however, with me constantly not doing the homework set, as there simply wasn't time. I recall my parents setting a strict time at which I would sleep: 8pm. Asking around, I discovered that many of my friends slept at 10, or even midnight, just to get their homework done. And this was at primary school age! Looking back, if I'd tried, I would probably have managed. However, that would have meant that I would have missed out on all the great books I read - which I consider to be a worthwhile sacrifice.

I read many books, a great many. This meant that although I was the worst at Chinese, I was easily one of the best in English at school. It also meant that from a young age, I had the concepts of honour, honesty and respect ingrained into my psyche - largely from reading the Chronicles of Narnia and, another old favourite, the Knights of the Round Table. Too, I developed a sense of longing for adventure, and learned the importance of courage and friendships from the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, which I read at the age of 10. However, it wasn't all good - mainly from the character of Boba Fett in various Star Wars novels, I learned to hide my feelings and emotions, and strived to negate them. Common sense and impatience were also somehow obtained from what I read.

At this time, my family were also staunch Buddhists. And by staunch, I mean staunch. Every New Year and Chinese New Year saw us at the family home, along with all of our relatives, praying in the shrine and the temples. Every time we passed a Buddhist temple, we stopped and prayed. Every festival that came along, we celebrated.

Buddhism, however, is very quiet, solemn - extremely so. Thus, growing up around these strong influences, thus I became the same - quiet and solemn. As stated in a previous blog post, I also hated Christians. Mainly because Christianity as practised in Malaysia contradicts almost everything I've seen in this country. Because of the way people preached to us about death and the afterlife, about how we were damned.

Thus, the second main influence: my family and religion. Too, another event occured after I left Malaysia: my grandfather (on my father's side of the family) contracted Alzheimer's disease. My grandmother, to the horror of the whole family, lived with him for some time, then put him into an aged-care centre, and continued life as she had before. Now, to many this may seem to be the intelligent thing to do, but not for my grandmother. She was a yoga teacher, and as such was probably stronger and healthier than most of the rest of my family. She could, and still can, look after him if she so wished. However, she does not. This, of course, fills me with doubt and wonder, and has led to me being somewhat sarcastic and short-tempered.

I don't know why she did it. Until now, I still can't fathom her reasoning. What made it worse was her lying to everyone else - saying that she would take us on a short holiday while we were in Malaysia, then when we could not go, going along, not with us, but with a male friend! Back then, I viewed that as nothing less than a betrayal of us and my grandfather, and to some degree I still do. I have forgiven her, however, with the help of the Lord, but sometimes I still feel my anguish at having lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's with my grandmother's help.

The third main influence upon my personality was the Great Move to Australia in June of 2001. On that day, I knew, I was leaving it all behind. I vowed to start afresh, this time deciding to work hard in all that I did. I came, and culture shock hit. In Malaysia, women and girls go about decently dressed, demure, generally silent. Here, well... I was shocked. Then, I had two choices. I could follow the crowd, play along, flirt, dance, or I could remain impassive, not succumbing to temptation, to follow what I saw as depravity (yes, the culture shock was pretty bad). I chose the latter, in accordance with my beliefs. Thus, I have always remained quiet, impassive whilst in the presence of a lady, and will probably continue to do so.

Of course, the main event that occured during the move here was my giving my life to the Lord. As I've stated before, I had never heard the story of Jesus Christ, and when I did, it all clicked. Having read books by J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis had prepared my mind, and Buddhism, to me, seemed somehow empty, full of tradition and ritual but nothing else. Christianity was the answer that I found, and I embraced it. To that end, I schooled my mind to follow the teachings of the Word, absorbing it as much as I had the books I read previously. The greatest success my mind had, I think, would be with "do not judge others, lest you be judged". I learned and realized, through deep philosophical thoughts and prayer, that although one indeed will judge on appearances, it is what one does based on that judgement that makes the difference.

And so it is, up to the end of last year. Of course, that's not all, but these are, I think, by far the most important. Sometimes it's good to sit back and analyze yourself, who you are, why you do things the way you do. I do hope that this has helped anyone who has read this to feel as though they know me better, or understand why I am how I am to some degree. I know it's helped me to understand myself better.

I doubt I'm going to change much - perhaps I will become less solemn, withdrawn. But whatever happens now, I know that it happens for a purpose, that is, to help me to learn something new, with which I can continue to serve God.

God be with you, U-Wen.

The Unforgettable Fire

2006-01-08T22:33:00.000+11:00

It is time. The release from my wondering has come, the revelation burning. The fire has been lit; it will not go out.

I know now what I am here to do; perhaps I've always known. It's astounding.

Five years ago, if someone had told me what I would be sitting here writing, what I would discover my destiny to be, I would have laughed in their face. God certainly uses the most unlikely of people...

First of all, my past and family. None of my friends have heard this, but here it is now. My mother's side; a family composed of fervent Buddhists. My father's side, all Christians - except for his parents. Naturally, I grew up in an extremely Buddhist household; we attended festivals and suchlike, and every Chinese New Year we went to the temple, woke up early for prayers and so on and so forth.

I hated Christians. Not with a burning hatred, but rather in the way that one hates flies. They were to me stupid, insignificant, deluded; constantly nagging at us to "repent and change our ways". I would blame bad luck on the enemy, which back then to me was the God that I now worship and pledge to follow with my every breath. Amazing, how God can change the most unlikely of us.

But somehow, in all of my years, I had NEVER heard the complete story of Jesus Christ; why He died for us on the cross, how He died so that man may live. When I heard it, something was broken, and here I stand now, a brother in faith.

But getting on with what I am here to say; I have discovered the meaning of my life. God has put me on this earth for a reason, and that reason is to minister to others as a pastor. The revelation came strongly to me as we were in Planetshakers (which, by the way, was AWESOME) and immediately the Spirit began to flow.

Many of you who were there would have seen me stop, pull out a notebook and write frantically many, many times. I was writing down words; or rather, Words. I have also discovered my gift, that which God has given me to do His work on this earth. For each time I wrote, I was writing down words of sermons which wrote themselves in my head, with an urgency that I could not diminish.

I now know that I will go into ministry for God. I don't know how, when or where. All I know is that I will do this in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

To that, I pledge myself into the service of the Lord anew, and pledge that I will serve Him with all of mind, body and soul. I will not be swayed by temptation or distractions, I will serve Him and Him alone.

I ask now of all my friends who read this to help keep me accountible to my pledge. I cannot do this alone, but with God's help and yours I can, and so I ask only for you to help me to stay on the right path.

Thank you, and God be with you all.

Happy New Year

2006-01-01T23:20:00.000+11:00

Hey all, happy new year. Personally, I can't get too worked up about the international new year, so meh. I'm generally more worked up about Chinese New Year... Oh, well. Humans like reasons to have days off and overeat and watch fireworks.

No resolutions, as I don't like repeating myself too often.

The almost obligatory U2 song, as usual from www.u2.com:

New Year's Day

All is quiet on New Year's Day.
A world in white gets underway.
I want to be with you, be with you night and day.
Nothing changes on New Year's Day.
On New Year's Day.

I... will be with you again.
I... will be with you again.

Under a blood-red sky
A crowd has gathered in black and white
Arms entwined, the chosen few
The newspaper says, says
Say it's true, it's true...
And we can break through
Though torn in two
We can be one.

I... I will begin again
I... I will begin again.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, maybe the time is right.
Oh, maybe tonight.
I will be with you again.
I will be with you again.

And so we are told this is the golden age
And gold is the reason for the wars we wage
Though I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes
On New Year's Day
On New Year's Day
On New Year's Day

Have fun! God bless all who read this (and most of those who don't).

LOST: The True Meaning of Christmas

2005-12-23T00:29:00.000+11:00

Well, as we all know, Christmas is coming once again. Oh, yay. It's not that I have something against Christmas, far from it, but rather the fact that everyone seems to have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas.

Historians and suchlike tell us that Jesus was probably NOT born in December, and the current "conspiracy" theory is that we celebrate His birth on the 25th of December because that was the date of some pagan religious ceremony. Fine, I can live with that. It's not when you celebrate it that counts, but rather the remembering and acknowledging of His sacrifice.

BUT, that's all gone now. Now, all people do is complain about their Christmas presents, how they have to buy presents for everyone else, how they aren't spending enough on others, and so on and so forth. It's a disgrace. Do people talk about the miracle of the virgin birth, the coming of the Saviour to redeem mankind? Do people complain about how they are failing to acknowledge these things? To most, Christmas is merely a time of the year to recieve gifts and to spend money on buying gifts for one another, making them complain when it comes around. I ask, is there really a difference between a gift recieved at Christmas and one recieved any other day?

They say that it's the thought behind the gift that counts, and that's fine. But what nobody seems to remember is the thought behind the original gift that constituted the first Christmas - what do you think God was thinking when He sent His son to earth, knowing that he was to live, then die an excruciatingly painful death? Grief would have played a large part, but I am sure that joy and happiness would have been there too, knowing that He had set the foundation for our salvation, us humans that had turned from the light, barely deserving of His attention as it were.

That is the true meaning of Christmas - it is to celebrate our redemption due to the birth of our Saviour. Sadly, even tragically, that meaning is now lost to most, thanks to the large multinational corporations that now control a large part of our lives.

Christmas has changed from being a celebration of the birth of our Saviour to, to be perfectly frank, a blatant production, a pantomime or charade, instigated by capitalist owners of companies in order to boost sales and increase the size of their bank accounts. Even Saint Nicklaus, whom I am sure was a good man in his time, has been warped into a fat, jolly man who runs about rooftops distributing presents. A Saint that was fat? I think not - most people who have been canonized have generally been passionate followers of Christ, and have mostly died horrible deaths.

Indeed, the image and story of Saint Nicklaus have been warped to an extreme degree by these capitalist companies, and our own human gullibility. From a Godly man who defended his Lord in Council with the Roman Emperor (see here), he has been warped into a fat, jolly man - the very image of the godless capitalists who manipulate the world to gain money - who rides reindeer (reindeer, for goodness' sakes!) and gives out presents to everyone regardless of what they have done.

So, I urge everyone who reads this, do not allow these rich capitalist scumbags to desecrate and to make a mockery and a profit out of the Holy name of Christmas! Presents are all well and fine, but frankly, what is more important is remembering the very reason why Christmas is celebrated. Remember the birth of the Lord, and rejoice, but also remember that the reason He came to earth was to die for our sins, so repent and make a fresh start out of the year. I know I will be.

God bless you all, U-Wen.

Overcome

2005-12-14T01:05:00.000+11:00

One day walking on a silent street
The wind ruffling my hair, a silent companion
Throughout my body I can feel the heat
Of another person's thoughts, their opinion

The pain burns deep into the mind's eye
Leaving scars and hurt feelings inside
Rejection and hatred make me wish to die
But my courage has left me alone, to hide

I cast myself down into shadow
Going down a path where there's no redemption
Everything to me seems fake and hollow
Nothing really worthy of my attention

I do what I will, abide by my whims
But the ache in my body still won't go away
I know that I can't atone for my sins
And I lack the faith to kneel down and pray

The heat turns up, the fires roaring
I seek my release, into death everlasting

But someone comes along and picks me up
And he says to me, "Son, I love you"

The tears in His eyes sparkle in the light
The holy light that surrounds His face
All of a sudden, the alleyway grows bright
And I feel my soul lifted to a happier place

But the scars inflicted in my mind remain
Lingering, causing me to doubt the truth
But His love fights not against me in vain
It delivers me, my mind it does sooth

The fires grow dim, their flames diminished
The light envelops me in its embrace
I know then the love that can never be finished
As I stare into His beautiful face...

He is my Father, he knows of all
Everything I've done and thought since birth
But to me he now does call
Filling my heart with joy and mirth

"Forgive me Father, for I have doubted"
"My son, I have loved you all the same"

A quick poem-type thing that I just wrote. This is an example of the many things that my brain and the Holy Spirit keep brewing in the back of my consciousness.

To all, I hope this poem speaks to you. God bless you all.

Respecting the Past, Creating the Future - a summary of 2005

2005-12-12T20:39:00.000+11:00

Right then, as the year is almost up I think I should cap off this year with a quick summary of it, in typical U-Wen fashion.

Term 1: Hectic
With three main house events being held this term, plus both sailing competitions, this term mostly consisted of not going to class for a wide variety of reasons. A lot of time was wasted, and academically I pretty much only got by thanks to my well-trained memory. Too much was happening in too little time, and I pretty much let sailing take precedence over everything else. I went to Youth once, and once again hated it. At that stage, from my perspective it was just all about appearances, shallow, without much to it.

Term 2: Recession
After almost everything had been completed, I pretty much went back into "cruise mode" which I had dropped into in Year 10. A lot of work was completed in the dying days before it was due in, and a lot was not done. Having pretty lax teachers meant that I was not doing as much study as I would have done normally, and not being able to do work in Methods meant that I generally just ignored it, instead of doing it in class and memorizing it; instead it was rushed to follow deadlines at home, and I remembered nothing. My memory became worse and worse as more and more pressure was placed on it, and in the end it just couldn't stand up to the task.

Then, the exam results came in, and to be frank, they were shockingly terrible. I had basically failed Methods by my usual standards (a B+ and D+ in exams), and Chem wasn't looking too great either. I then realized that I actually start to do some work...

Term 3: Slow progress
This term was pretty decent in my opinion; we got our General teacher back and I started the slow road to getting back on track. Again, the inability to do work in Methods, added to my laziness, proved to be my downfall as I remembered nothing during the tests. Taking notes in class didn't help either; for over a full 10 years I had been learning by doing work in class; being unable to do so meant that I was constantly relying on my memory, which by this stage was quite out of it.

Then, I cautiously ventured back into Youth. The first time I attended was Corey Turner's first night, and his message, plus the fire burning in his heart, captured me. His vision, I knew, was what I was looking for - a new Youth Ministry, one that was filled with passion and compassion, one that cared not for appearances but rather cherished personalities and above all, God. I began coming every week, joined a cell thanks to Guang and even ventured into Students Alive (school youth group). Then, all of a sudden the term was over...

Term 4: IGNITION
Term four was easily THE term for me. Helped hugely by the Holy Spirit, I began my slow comeback into my former realm, where good marks were considered standard and excellent marks the only thing worth even trying for. Having cell and listening to Corey each week helped me regain my confidence, all the stronger after being slightly dented. My memory returned, and for the first time all year I began feeling confident in Methods. I began scoring reasonably high marks in the very hard General tests, surprising Mr. Yarussky and myself, and lifted my game in almost everything else. Excluding Chemistry.

However, in the later part of the term, my memory returned with a glorious rush, and all of a sudden the upcoming exams were looking more like an enterprising challenge than a hopeless contest. Filled with confidence in the Holy Spirit, I worked harder than I had ever done that year (which sadly still wasn't all that much) and, praise God, managed to pull it together. Exam results were great, and my Methods exam mark lifted from a D+ to an A.

Holidays: Fire
This holidays have been on fire. I have been inspired again and again by God, and my head just overflows with ideas and thoughts. I feel him drawing closer, and all the while I'm running closer (or at least trying to). Praise the Lord! The only problem now is that some of my Spirit-inspired ideas are slightly ambitious (writing a book anyone?), however I am confident that with faith I can overcome all obstacles. I no longer care about what will happen, as I know that He will have the best path for me planned, mapped and laid out.

Conclusion for the year: Good, but not good enough. Academically my most disappointing year ever, but spiritually my best by far. However, I am looking to improve both by leaps and bounds next year, and am laying foundations for these plans...

Goals for next year:
- Grow closer and closer to God; not more religious, but more passionate...
- Perform at my peak academically; at least a 95 ENTER.
- Discern the path that God has for me
- Captain the MHS sailing team to victory, the first time in around 5 years...
- Enjoy VERTIGO 2006
- Begin delivering sermons in the Children's Ministry (hey, you gotta start somewhere...)
- Thoroughly enjoy myself

Well, being nice and ambitious there. We shall see what happens...

Oh, yes, song of the month (I feel compelled to do this for some reason)

U2 - One

(Lyrics from www.u2.com)

Is it getting better, or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you, now you got someone to blame?
You say one love, one life, when it's one need in the night.
One love, we get to share it
Leaves you baby if you don't care for it.

Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love and you want me to go without.
Well, it's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light.
We're one, but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other, carry each other... one

Have you come here for forgiveness,
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much, more than a lot
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got.
We're one, but we're not the same.
Well, we hurt each other, then we do it again.

You say love is a temple, love a higher law
Love is a temple, love the higher law.
You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on to what you got, when all you got is hurt.

One love, one blood, one life, you got to do what you should.
One life with each other: sisters, brothers.
One life, but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other, carry each other.
One, one.

I guess it kind of reflects the mental state I was in in terms 2+3 - or not. Ah, well.

God be with you all.

U-Wen, over and out.

Test thing...

2005-11-24T12:34:00.000+11:00

So, I did this test thing that I found a link to in Guang's blog...

EDIT: moved down so you can actually see it. Look, I know I suck at HTML, ok? :D

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
clean, organized, dislikes chaos, semi neat freak, perfectionist, traditional, realist, fits in most places, enjoys managing others, risk averse, good at saving money, prudent, respects authority, high self control, hard working, does not like to stand out, follows the rules, finisher, resilient, takes precautions, cautious, honest, unfamiliar with the dark side of life, practical, dutiful.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Hedonism	\|\|	10%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|	16%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|	16%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Interesting food for thought.

Right!

2005-11-22T21:37:00.000+11:00

so, a quick update: no, i didn't get SRC President, yes, i failed, yes, the speech was good, yes, the opposition and people that won bribed the year 9s and 10s with sweets (i kid you not).

but anyway, i decided that i don't care all too much; if i wasn't meant to get it, then i wasn't. if i was, then i'd have gotten it. but onto the point of my rant today.

which is this: i've just found out that the term "cell group" is now a "sensitive subject" and thus will be renamed "life groups" at church. what the blazes is going on? since when has the word "cell" been sensitive?

as far as i'm concerned, that's just stupid. honestly. language has now become just... dodgy. there are words which carry connotations, positive or negative, and there are words that do not. "cell" is one of them. it just describes something, for goodness' sakes!

honestly. as if the word "cell" carries with it connotations of "terrorist". soon, i suppose that we'll have to stop using the word to descibe batteries in physics, cause then people will think that we're building bombs! yeesh. the deterioration of the English language is ever more evident as time goes by. soon, we'll be speaking in Newspeak... that's doubleplus ungood.

i guess that the word "Islamic" will soon be a "sensitive term" as well. while we're at it, why not "Christian" and "terror" as well? oh, and what about "American"?

and as for that guy whom the singaporeans are about to hang, well... look. no matter what the circumstances, a country's law has to be respected. if he really did want to pay off his brother's debts, why on earth would he do so illegally? to me, that reeks of suspicion. surely he could have obtained money from other sources, all of them legal.

even if he is totally innocent (which is impossible, as he was found with heroin strapped to his body) no matter the circumstances, he has to be punished. the law must be respected. it's not just a matter of principle; singapore has to show that it will stand by its word no matter what. it is a matter of both sovereignity and stance for them; if australia wanted to give a singaporean the death sentence for, say, blowing up the sydney opera house, would we allow singapore to persuade us to let him go free? exactly. we wouldn't.

as well, singapore must show that its laws are to be enforced, and thus will be respected. it'll prevent drug smugglers from ever considering trading/shipping in/to singapore, which is their main goal. if a country doesn't even enforce its own laws, how can it have any credibility? look at iraq when saddam hussein was in power. the law was broken almost daily, yet those responsible were not punished. that's why nobody really cared about them; to the americans, all iraq was good for was oil and a place to send soldiers to for training.

without laws, there is anarchy. and i'm sure we don't want that now, do we? it's not that i'm not sympathetic to him (well, not much) but a country's law must be respected. do unto others as they would do unto you. i'm sure that if someone stole your wallet in singapore, and were charged with death (a little unlikely, but consider this anyway), you'd refuse to let their home country just whisk them away on a cloud.

it's the mistake that indonesia has made with michelle leslie. i know the tenets of islam. if she were truly embracing that religion, then she wouldn't be an underwear model. she's about as muslim as i am a pen. the way her lawyers have been allowed to manipulate indonesia's justice system is a total disgrace, and does both australia and indonesia no good at all. thus, indonesia has lost a lot of credibility in the eyes of most australians. that is what singapore is trying to prevent.

it's all about appearances in this rather miserable world of ours. appearances, and money. without one, a country cannot have much of the other, so they must maintain the status quo. watch. more people are going to start smuggling drugs to indonesia, claim to be muslim, and have muslim friends that "accidentally" slip them some "flu pills" that "someone else gave them".

anyway, that's my major rant for this week (probably month). all opinions stated here are mine and mine alone, and i'm sure plenty will disagree. that's fair enough, everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, and i respect that.

have a great week, and God bless.

so...

2005-10-23T16:55:00.000+10:00

so... i obviously didn't get the job as detailed before, but i tried. i harbor no disappointment however, seeing as they really did pick the right guys for the job. and hey, my school rep has gone up after this (apparently) so that's always good...

however...

someone's going to smack me in the head for this, i know, but it's time i tried for another position. i have just the one lined up in my sights - SRC pres.

yes, i know, i'm overly ambitious, but what can you do about it? eh, well, we'll see what happens after [i]this[/i] try.

oh, and exams start in 3 days... whoo-hoo... i better do well. no, wait, i have faith that God'll help me do well (or at least better).

well, i'll update after exams! so don't come back until then.

PS. wow... this used to be deep and meaningful and insightful... guess i haven't been as depressed recently... :P

but wait, there's more!

2005-10-07T21:25:00.000+10:00

uh-huh. there's more. shock. horror. etc. so anyway, it's been an excellent week, and it's just gotten better. I MADE THE SHORTLIST FOR SCHOOL CAPTAIN INTERVIEWS!!!! only one of 9 to do so! praise the LORD!

but yes, this is quite exciting, but we shall see where this takes us. hopefully, i get the position - God willing. if not, then, well, i tried. although, as the colonel said, "well, if you missed out first round, you'll be disappointed. however, those who miss out after getting an interview are going to be even more disappointed."

so yes, that's what has been happening. God willing, i get this. if not, well, nothing's changed. i will update this when the school finds out who our school captain actually is!

an update...

2005-10-04T21:22:00.000+10:00

as you can tell, this is an update. about time i did one, considering that my last one was during school holidays (a term ago!!)

anyway, yeah. not much has been happening in terms of school. in the spirit realm, however, mountains are being moved. i find myself closer to God more and more nowadays, especially after that fantastic weekend with mark conner and che ahn's messages, which really inspired me.

so i was on the train on monday, going back to school, looking out of the window. i wasn't tired as usual; i felt a sort of tingling within me, i'm choosing to believe that it was the Holy Spirit flowing. :D

then the train pulls to a stop, and i'm looking out the window at a multitude of people. then, i hear God's voice in my head quite clearly. "Who will pray for the lost? Who will repent for the wicked? If Jesus did it, why shouldn't you? Look outside, at the people. How many do you think are going to Hell?"

i was, of course, stunned at such a revelation, as i have never had such a... direct word before. now, i wonder. is what i am doing actually right? is the career path i have chosen for myself what i am really called to do?

i see myself as a doctor, still, but more and more frequently i see myself as a pastor or a children's pastor. it's quite scary, but thrilling at the same time. drifts of speeches, sermons drift in and out of my head. i can imagine myself standing on stage, delivering them.

i don't know what to do... i think i shall just continue to pray about it, and trust in God, knowing that His will will be done. He is my rock; with Him by my side i know no fear or doubt. the devil will flee before Him, at the sound of his voice, and that which was old will be refreshed; that which was sinning will repent.

signing off now. God be with you.

i dunno. whatever

2005-07-04T23:45:00.000+10:00

ahh, yes, school holidays. great. well, sitting here at 11.45pm makes me think, and think i do - and whilst listening to U2 a great sense of... well... loneliness? comes across me... *sigh*.

i don't know. is it just me? probably. i need someone to talk to, someone i can share secrets with, and so on. relationships these days are like slime - flexible, easily broken and not amounting to much. we need something more concrete, something more... real. and now my mind is drifting, drifting like a cork in the sea of life, bouncing off passing ships and heading in different directions...

why? why do i think so much? why is it that i have these deep philosophical thoughts that make me sit there and follow them through, making me a loner of sorts, whereas others can just shrug them off? alas, for i have no idea - philosophy doesn't help at this moment. why am i who i am? why am i so quiet to strangers, so cold, able to turn off emotions as easily as turning a tap?

natural is not a word that applies to me in any sense. paradox is more like it. i laugh, then am sad. i am quiet, yet loud and noisy. i am stern, yet flexible and easygoing. how can a mind stand such things? what kind of a personality is this, how has it been shaped, what will it do? questions which i ask that cannot be answered...

oh, well. i suppose that i will have to learn to be contented with being shunned and alone, the black sheep that is also white, the living paradox. i can adapt, yet i cannot, and as such, i am alone, yet i am not. ah, well. life is a mystery, and so am i.

a great song by the greatest band on this planet:

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you.

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her finger tips
It burned like fire
(I was) burning inside her.

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colours will bleed into one
Bleed into one.
But yes, I'm still running.

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
Oh my shame, you know I believe it.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for.

by U2.

it applies so well to me. i suppose i can only continue searching, running, thinking, until i have truly found what i'm looking for...

rant? sort of... an "essay"

2005-06-26T22:47:00.000+10:00

ok, about time i updated this site, so here's something different: an "essay". not a fake essay like those written in english classes, but a real essay that rambles on about a subject, bouncing off walls and looking lost until it finds where it's meant to be. if you don't like it, blame dr vine - i wrote this for english (surprise surprise)

On being unable to lose

“There are some defeats more triumphant than victories”

Our modern society, and indeed human society in general, seems to be obsessed with winning. “We must be victorious! We must win! We must crush the enemy!” These are quite common sayings for us humans in pretty much all situations, and as a result our society and community is extremely competitive.

Of course, we are told that “winning isn’t everything” and that “it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, as long as you participated and had fun.” Bollocks. We all know that that’s just a rather pathetic attempt to cheer up the pathetic losers, to make them feel as though they have some small shred of dignity left. Of course, they don’t feel better – they feel worse for having to be consoled, allowing the winners the double pleasure of gloating in their victory and having one up over the losers.

The problem for the winners, of course, is that a victory by definition depends on one’s perception of victory. The thing is, most people believe that if you don’t come in first, or win, or whatever, you’ve lost, thereby consigning to yourself the stigma of being a “loser”, at least until your next match or war.

So what if one changed the parameters of victory, say from coming in first to actually getting a position, or not actually doing any work or putting any effort and managing to wrangle a podium finish? What sort of consequences would that have for you and your opponent?

First of all, it means that even if you lose, if you achieved what you were aiming to do, you have secured a sort of victory in your own right (even if your opponent doesn’t know about it). Of course, if you let him or her know, you also have the satisfaction of stealing some of the limelight from their victory, basking in the warm glow of “hey, I didn’t put any effort into this, and still came second – imagine if I’d actually tried!” or “hey, it’s my first time, and I came third – give me time, and I’ll kick some ass!”

Secondly, it gives you a mental victory over your opponent, having of course “won” under your own terms, enabling you to bask in the warm glow of some sort of victory and cause your opponent much doubt as to why you are grinning so widely and jumping for joy, even though you did lose, taking his/her focus away from their victory and placing it squarely on you – never a bad thing!

Finally, it allows you bragging rights to a small degree, allowing you to say thing such as “meh – I don’t care” and “whatever”, giving the spectators a huge shock at your ability to withstand defeat so well and of course taking away focus from your opponent’s victory, which is always an excellent thing, cause it means that more focus is upon you.

But anyway, why all this huge focus on winning? Why is winning such a good thing anyway? Quite possibly it’s because of wars – winning a war is generally considered to be a good thing, and that practise must have carried on into sport, television and even academia.

Of course, that still doesn’t explain mankind’s obsession with winning. Maybe it’s because we’re such competitive creatures. Maybe it’s because it amuses some divine being or mystical power to see such puny, weak creatures struggle so hard for such a small, insignificant prize, to see them fight valiantly and claw frantically against one another just to obtain a small amount of self-satisfaction that lasts for about a day on average, and means nothing to most of the rest of the world.

And if we are so obsessed with winning, why are we similarly so obsessed with losing, or more specifically, making the loser feel worse by any and all means possible? Maybe it’s, again, amusing to some divine power. Or maybe it’s because we human beings are naturally vindictive, a trait that, if left unchecked and unfed, would cause our own self-destruction, and is only averted by making others feel bad.

But coming back to the original point, yes, it is entirely possible to have a victory, even if you lose. By obtaining what is quite possibly the moral high ground, or more probably the “cheap shot method of feeling better”, we can salvage a victory from a loss, making ourselves feel slightly better and diverting a lot of the attention from the actual victors, meaning that you manage to both feel better and unleash your full, pent-up natural vindictiveness.

Thus, if one does so, one has already won – you’ve unleashed your vindictiveness, wrangled some sort of a small victory and made yourself feel better, whereas your opponent, who is likely the actual victor, has also done so, originally by a hell of a lot more, but by your adjusting of your own perception of victory, by less than you.

Of course, the beautiful thing about it is that they have absolutely no idea about it unless you tell them, meaning that if you don’t, everyone wins, and thus everyone’s happy! Or if you do tell them, that drags them down some more, possibly and probably below your own level, giving you a total victory out of a total loss, making you a natural victor no matter what happens.

have fun!

a rant

2005-03-27T21:14:00.000+10:00

yep. a rant. stay away, if you hate them.....

In the mood for philosophy, and where does that lead me? The ever-present pressures of modern society on people to conform. Now, I see everyone of you out there reading this shudder, and shake your heads, thinking that I am just adding my perspective to an old argument. However, this pressure IS actually bad, and it's always there, and its influence can be seen everywhere.

Life in modern society. Often hailed as being so fantastically brilliant, as humanity's great achievement. However, although it has its many benefits, it has its drawbacks too. Look around. See the people everywhere, all living their lives, many without purpose or thought. Is this healthy? How has our modern society managed to stifle creative thought and philosophy so well?

Look at them. The clothes that they wear, the words they speak, the thoughts that flow. They are all alike, or at least similar, and have been forced that way by the pressures of modern society. Pressure to conform, to be alike, as a clone. Not conforming means being outcast, becoming a social drifter, lacking in close friends. Many of these outcasts become depressed, tired of life, and are seen as a burden by modern society, who really are the ones responsible.

Many a person has gone down this path, and have not returned. Of course. Why would you return? What is left for you? Either become a social reject or..... face a horrible alternative...... becoming one of the group. As it is, however, more and more are going down this path, and it seems that the trend has now shifted to being a social outcast, and thus obtaining friends who think alike. Ironic. They tell us to rebel, not to conform. That this is the only way out, to become "different". Has it escaped everyone's notice that these "rebels" who are trying to be "different" are merely following the trend, wittingly or otherwise, and that by "not conforming", they are, actually, conforming?

What can we do? The simple answer is, nothing, really. Society is too set for us to be able to change it simply. The pressures to conform are always at work, and are such that anyone who is fenuinely different will either be yanked down by the rest of the conformists, or ostracized, never listened to or taken seriously. Pity. They are usually the most brilliant of us all.

In conclusion, we must ALL take an active part in this, some way or another. Caution, however. As I have previously mentioned, non-conforming is really just a way of conforming. As I said, it is impossible. An impossible struggle against a non-existent enemy, that can strike us down, but is never visible to us. Much like a search for a chimera, it will never be found, and thus never excised.

end of rant. *feeling better now*