Dear self,

Dear self,

I've been observing and watching you for some time now, and it's become evident to me that you simply cannot continue living the way you are. You yourself once said that "the brightest flames lead the shortest lives, but the steady burn illuminates the darkness". You have not been a steady burn at all.

To continue this metaphor further, you have been burning the candle at both ends, and have lit another candle beneath your own. This way of life is not sustainable, and ere long you will perish or break down. Please, reconsider and stop.

The feedback loop that is your emotions is steadily growing stronger and stronger, and it will soon cease functioning. The emotional rollercoaster is one that everyone has to ride, indeed, but not for this long. You've beome numb and uncaring, no longer excited by things that would have once moved you.

I beg of you, please, for both our sakes, slow down before you burn out. I would hate to lose you before your time.

Your mind.

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Dear mind,

You are correct in saying that I cannot continue living the way I have. What have I accomplished, what have I to show for my life thus far? I have simply existed, doing things that anyone else could have done. I call myself a first-rate troubleshooter, a theologian for the new generation, but in reality I am just a second-rate amateur; there are plenty of others who can do what I'm doing.

Humans were made for relationship, we're told. Well, I guess I have a problem there. Although I'm only 19, a desire for intimacy burns fiercely in my heart, and I know it's due to my past and the severe lack of proper intimacy there. At the same time, I know that you are too damaged, too scarred to help us out in that respect; people see us and say things like "I wish my boyfriend were like him".

My own mediocrity even now continues to rear its ugly head. We pride ourselves on our knowledge and our skill at writing; but let's be honest, there are many out there who are far better than us without even trying. I can't live like this; all people strive with ambition, and my ambition is thwarted by both of us.

I have been second best, an amateur at everything for too long now. My dreams sit unrealised. Better to die well than to die old, alone and with the knowledge of failure. I will not desist; you cannot resist the strength of my will. As long as we both live, I will strive for excellence in all things, no matter the cost.

Your constant neutrality, aloofness and objectiveness sicken me. Where is the passion, the emotion, the flavours of life? All you do is rationalise and analyse, predict and foretell our doom to the extent that we do not even try due to the foreknowledge of failure. No more, I say. we burn brightly, or we die trying.

Your self.

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Dear self,

I have always been repulsed by your hot-headedness, instinctive behaviour and impulsiveness. We both know that rationality, neutrality and detachedness are the most efficient way to save oneself unneccessary expenditure of energy.

Must we part ways like this? You were once such a great companion; remember the things we used to do together? This slide into insanity and depression will only harm us both. Snap out of it, slow down and rethink what we're doing.

Your mind.

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Dear mind,

Your prized rationality, neutrality and detachedness have already caused problems and hurt our friends more than once. Now because of it, we cannot even be emotionally invested into a cause or a friendship like we used to! In settling for safety we have settled for mediocrity and appalling ways of treating our friends.

This is dishonourable. We cannot continue on like this.

Your self.